I’m kicking down the door even though I have a key!
It’s really for dramatic effect. I totally just unlocked the door. Or picked at the lock. Or did something. I dunno. It’s all just make believe, made real because of belief.
I’ve always been intuitive, but didn’t realise it was intuition. We’re all told to shut our mouths because we’re wrong. Heck, even at school they just want you to do something a specific way, deviating from the standard procedure was wrong. Maths. I understand the point of teachers requiring demonstration of thought pattern (to prevent cheating) but what do you do when “I dunno, I just figured it out?”
When something is so ingrained in the system, the steps and processes become invisible.
When you learn to walk you have to concentrate on each step, the mechanics of the process. But with enough practice you can just walk or run or jump without having to think about it. The process becomes mere muscle memory.
Just the same as going to the toilet in the middle of the night when you’re half asleep. Unless you’re super wasted, you usually have no dramas going for a whizz without incident. Back you stumble to your bed without having to really open your eyes or be completely lucid.
I know I’m incredibly lucky, and I’ve even fashioned a name for myself as Lady Luck. I like making names for myself because they’re much better than the mean ones we whisper and snicker behind masks of pleasantries and platitudes.
I’m a woman of the world and I have the mind of a man. I’ve learned how to navigate university to seek authority of the subject area for which I speak. I’m no doctor, but I can claim to be a master.
master ego, the anima/us
I started as a bachelor of the arts because it is the humanities I love! I specialised in English, text and writing with a focus on creative writing. I would have had a double major with education too, but I did too many “creative” units and needed 1 more literature based course. So alas, only a double sub major in education. My second sub major was in art history and cinema studies. I am an appreciative voyeur of aesthetics. What can I say? I love to look at beauty.
Something I learned though, in my very first first semester of my undergrad, was that it didn’t fucking matter who or what you were – nothing you thought you knew mattered. Because you don’t get to express an opinion unless you are an authority for that topic, unless you are a certified and verifiable expert. Basically, you need to have a PhD and have been peer reviewed by other experts of the same field of study.
- Religion was a lie
- High school was a lie
- University was a lie
- Your family lies
- Your “friends” who you thought were your fucking friends, they all lie.
I accepted that, “you know what? I agree with Slipknot, People DO EQUAL SHIT.” (I’m not going to embed another video.) SO. That’s fine. I don’t need anything or anyone. I’ll keep my mouth shut, I just want to keep the peace.
My husband has been so sos os ssssooooooooo fundamental in helping me keep it the fuck together. He was the only one who ever ever ever EVER got me. My good and bad side. He didn’t give a crap about any of that. He liked me for me. And ta-da! We’re married.
I’m so very inconsistent because I’m motivated by my memories and my emotions attached to those memories.
That’s why I often have to repeat instructions and shit over and over and over again. Because kids these days are so fucking apathetic to everything. And the older generation are all like “it was better when I was young, because rah rah rah”. Like they’re so confused about what’s wrong with the world today!
There’s nothing wrong with the world, it’s doing what it’s always done. But people? People are a parasite and they suck the fucking life out of everything. They fuck up the environment (I don’t care about the environment to do stuff about it, I just moderate my own garbage. I do what is convenient for me to do, the bare minimum). People fuck up each other by saying awful things and being liars and fucktards. People fuck themselves up! Because “woe is me, what is wrong with everyone? why don’t they do what I want?”.
It’s bullshit. There are psychopathic murderers out there who should be stopped. There are predators out there who should be caught. There are people who are crushing the figurative life out of others as they are so damned determined to be in power and at the top of fucking everything.
But it’s fine! because I’m not exactly a paragon of excellence. I AM SIN. AND I LIKE IT. I’m not giving up my comfort for the benefit of people I don’t fucking know. But I’m not going to go out of my way to be a prick to other people. I just like to do what I can, when I can, if I can, but only if I fucking feel like it at the time.
I try to be good, but it doesn’t matter what I do or say, people don’t fucking care, it doesn’t fucking matter. We’re all just doing our thing. And I am a feather on the wind, I blow wherever it takes me. I am a butterfly, the wind has always been my friend. And as I flap my wings right here, I’m sure maybe, just maybe it will unleash a tsunami across the waters.
Bitch I’m in Sydney, Australia. How far are you from me? *let the coastal waters fucking flow, bitch*
Mamma baby, bring on the red-tide! The world needs an aenima… bunch of tools.
I’m so fucking sick off all the bullshit and the lies.
(9. Oct. 2018 @ 2:09pm)