My real deepest darkest wish: achieve godhood.

I wish I was a god. That way I could do whatever I wanted. Like god in dogma. The Alanis Morrissette version of god.

So before I go any further. I should lay down some pop culture inspirations, reference points. I’m not going to cite everything. But if you know of these films/tv series/novels then you might have a chance.


I was an only child. I didn’t make friends easily. I felt like wishes could come true if you just found the right way to get the message to the whatever Maybe Santa, or god, or a fairy. I felt like it was real, magic or whatever was real. But you had to do something a particular way to get it out there.. it wasn’t just going to appear and pop in your lap.

I remember watching tv and I learned about wishing on a star. So I would do that. But I didn’t know if I wished on the right one. So I would try a different one each night. (The first star you see… But what if I’m looking in the wrong direction?)

I heard about catching these floating white thingys and whispering your wish into them and setting them back free. So I did that! Then I learned, as I got older, they were just airborne spores from a weed that had been caught in the wind. I know that because I found a plant that had them.

When I was a kid I wished for friends. I wished for 2 brothers who would be my best friends like these two boys from Degrassi junior high: Joey and Snake. I don’t remember why, or what they were like. I just remember Snake’s name (I had to Google to remember the other character. I recognised the face though!)

Does anyone remember those characters from the show? What they were like?

I don’t remember why? But I dunno, like I was the third out of a trio. And it was 2 guys and me. Like heaps of other pop culture trios that can be thought of… 2 guys a girl and a pizza place; Harry, Ron and Hermione; (the movie) savages; dot, yacko and wacko from animaniacs; … the other ones that come to mind are awkward and tense love triangles and they don’t really resonate… I dunno. I was just a kid and I was lonely. I thought if I had a brother they’d be someone who would look out for me. Someone my age (generation) I could actually talk to and wouldn’t feel like I was interrupting or bothering them.

I always got along with my dad, he was always there to play with me and listen to me while I showed him gymnastics and sing along to his songs I liked.

I don’t know why I feel like literally crying all the time. I mean I don’t really feel like that all the time. But… I had a different intention when I started this post. That was to talk about the cults my friends and I made up when we were in high school. And now I bang on about baby me wishing on a star for somebody to love her. And I don’t want to hear anyone tell me that it’s Jesus calling out to me.

Fuck you Jesus. You did this to me! Now let me share my side of the story!

Jesus was just a dude. I think the concept of Jesus you’re thinking of is “my-highest-inner-good” or holy guardian angel or something. Not Jesus.

Jesus was a mortal, Galilean Jew,who taught eastern spiritual beliefs in a land that did not support that way of thinking. His teachings are similar to that of Buddhism. So why don’t you call yourself a Buddhist?

Because you don’t want to change your religion. I’m sure you might even say you’re not *that* religious anyway, or that’s not what you think of Christianity.  I am sure that there are parts in the bible that make you uncomfortable so you changed your own definition of the word “christian”. Cool.

Change it again.

  1. Change it so that way women aren’t considered prostitutes for “touching feet (euphemism for penis)” or sold of to older men who want virgins, not whores! (Divine conception? Pfft. Mary was a virgin if you don’t count anal).
  2. Periods don’t make a woman “unclean”, you know her fucking uterus is cleaning itself out! That’s the inner scourge! On it’s own!
  3. And women shouldn’t be judged by whether or not they have kids!
    • Maybe they don’t want them?
    • Maybe they are trying to have kids?
    • Maybe they’re doing something else with their lives instead of thinking about whether or not they should turn into a baby factory?

There are too many people on this earth anyway. We are parasitic by nature. We suck the life out of shit and then shit it out (the digestive system) we use stuff and then chuck it away because we live in a disposable society where it is cheaper to replace something than to repair it.

We treat people like they are things, objects to be owned. As if they don’t have feelings or thoughts of their own. Or we play mind games with people, gaslight them, manipulate or twist their words until they go insane…

I gained the powers of a god and the worthiness to wield the weapon of words. Odin granted me the might to lift mjolnir and roar as Thor. So I am thundering. Can you feel me? Can you feel the ripples? That’s why people are nervous. They can feel it too.


(7 Oct. 2018)

17 thoughts on “My real deepest darkest wish: achieve godhood.

  1. Branded says:

    I agree with a lot of your post. What constrains humanity is we cling to our ancient animal aspects. Oh! Jesus is a path not a person. And a lot of other things mentioned in the bible are either metaphor or means of maintaining patriarchy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kalliope says:

      Thanks 🙂 Perception is everything, and interpretation is subjective thereby simple minds cannot comprehend the concept of alternatives paths.
      Looking good is apparently more substantive than actually doing good. Because the path to hell is paved with good intentions, so only pretend like anyone gives a shit. Bad intentions with good outcomes gets you box office seats to the world’s main events.
      Hah, you got me started on a bit of a tirade. Thanks for your comment!!

      Liked by 1 person

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