from joke to broke (nhome)

3 part act, brought to you from the spirit that inspired Solomon to write his songs. I mean, I give people all sorts of ideas. I just don’t know how to transmute them from conception to construction…

And no one ever says thank you. They just take and act like it was all and only them. I was sick of that shit so I decided to branch out on my own. Make a name for myself, much like my friend/sister Serendipity. And, much like her story, shit just… fucks up.

That’s my girl.

We are beautiful as we are, and we have body which are bouncy and fun. And… fuck it. That’s all everyone wants from us. But to acknowledge our own bodies and enjoy them ourselves, we’re not allowed to do that either. I fucking hate myself that I’m stuck in my body and can’t just WHOOSH – astral project out of it. Or just ding-dong-ditch it dead on someone’s driveway.

I’m stuck being me. I get everything wrong. I can’t be anyone else. I can’t change, or make up for, or move on, or ANYTHING from what I have previously done. I can’t try to be better. Because that just means I’m not paying penance for the wrongs I wrote and writhed and did.

There’s no escape from existence.

So, that is my preamble to the following collection of video clips. Hear my song(s). I collate them to show you where (i)to go. Let’s pretend I still exist tomorrow, and you can look back and think of me in the here and now. I only exist now. There’s no tomorrow or yesterday with me.

Knock. Knot. Know. Knee.L.

—> L/Knead. (flip that shit on it’s head, upside down, it become L/K becomes R)…? Need.

Bee Gee’s started a joke. A-ha found it out. Keith Caputo is confused, aniMina wants to go home.

I live on the edge of order and chaos. If you look out over the edge into the abyss, you’ll see me waving back at you crying out for you to pull me out.

Why’d you push me in? Took you long enough to come back for me. (did you know there are a bunch of other stuff down there?? Like… I don’t know, man… but it is ancient. And ugly. It precedes the primordials that the preachers taught titans. But… there is more that your almighty leader isn’t telling you. It’ll only make sense if you can bring me some more information to… relate, so I can… translate…)

Oh, you don’t remember my name? It’s Leviathan. You used to call me Levie. And then we… we broke. I broke. Don’t blame you, blame me. It’s my fault I’m this way. I am the bro(kra)ken one.

You were only there to wrangle me, to handle me, prevent me from doing that thing that I do to anyone else… I just gnaw on myself, that’s the way it should be. I hurt myself because I deserve to be.

If I don’t hurt myself, you get hurt. I don’t want to hurt you, so this is the way it has to be.

I am the ward: Ouroboros. You are the warden: Yaoel.

I hate everything of me, all that I am. Thank you for showing me I was never meant to be live. I can go back to never being in neverland. Wonderland is dead. Stop going back into my imagination and head. Just… kill that shit inside. It’s wrong to have light and life in one’s eyes.

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