Wake up sleeping beauty

I spent a year awake, I didn’t want to sleep.

I’m sleeping again, I don’t want to stay awake.

I’d sleep forever if I could. The world is too sad to sustain me. I want to sleep forever, I’m too tired to cry.

In the phase between sleep and wakefulness, where I have the slightest grasp of cognition, I uncover the secrets of the universe. I lay plans that I may follow as I write.

But when I am fully roused and aware of the level of consciousness, my mind loses the outline I had in my sights. There is no plan to follow, only that I write.

I have a head ache. I eat away my pain. Fill the emptiness in my soul with another morsel of food I chew and bite.

It’s really bad for the diabetes. Last night I cried because I over ate and felt I would burst.

At school, I was called the food disposal machine because I would eat all of the food. I could just eat and the food would disappear and it’d be a mystery as to who ate the last anything from any plate. Well not really, it was always me. The giant fatty boom-bah-larder.

I do have a head ache. I do want to sleep forever. I do I want to lay down and cry myself a river. And I could lay across the river, my body like a bridge. For people to get over whatever bullshit I thought worth crying over, because I make mountains out of molehills.

I don’t even have anything else scheduled to be posted. I have nothing written.

Maybe if I go to sleep I might be able to conjure dreams. Have the waves wash over me. And I’ll drown in peaceful revelry.



Categories: Idylls

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

5 replies

  1. Conjure dreams of fairy tales and a woman who is both a girl and a wise muse. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. How beautifully you express this harrowing emptiness which translates to helplessness and despair.
    This is a question I often ask myself. Wouldn’t things be so much easier if I were to fall into a permanent slumber?
    It’s upsetting you feel the same too, Kels.
    Maybe one day after we wake up, things will seem a lot brighter, Eh?
    Until that day comes, let’s just stay strong.
    And as the title says, wake up, sleeping beauty. You’ll do just fine. You certainly have the brains and the know-how for it so I’m sure this will be a stage you’ll someday leave behind 😄.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahh Fez, you’re the sweetest. Thanks. Depression super sucks but at least it makes for someone beautiful poetry. And like any drain, (life/joy sucking black hole), it unites people by bringing them together. And we can have the illusion of togetherness before we succumb to the big black empty. W00t.
      Ahh, all the pretty (bleak) metaphors.
      Wouldn’t it be grand to wake up to a world that wants us?

      Liked by 1 person

      • To be fair, I don’t think there’s any person this world couldn’t do without.
        We’re all just wandering about throughout our lives, hoping to achieve something meaningful and leave a lasting mark.
        And that, I’m more than certain you’re capable of doing.
        This piece which you wrote, for instance. You wouldn’t realize it’s true worth or how inspirational it may be to someone who’s going through the exact same thing as you.
        So keep doing whatever it is that you do because you never know when you may end up being someone people look up to. An inspiration.

        Liked by 1 person

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