There is no escape from one’s past. No escape from your actions, thoughts, words or memories. Because if you forget or try to move on? You bet someone is going to shove your face in it so you never get to move on.
No one in particular does this to me. It is mostly just timing, circumstance. Just… shit happens. The way unrelated things in life seem to just line up, like a shuffled deck of cards dealt out to the players around a table. I pick up my hand and I’ve got…
Something that reminds me that I will never get to be good.
Which… I have to learn to accept. I will never be good. I will never be good enough.
I am bad. I will always be bad enough.
Although, I do draw the line at evil. For I don’t believe I’m evil. I think traitors are evil. Being 2 faced for personal gain is evil. I’m 2 faced as it allows me passage to learn from and also speak to these opposing sides of “good and/or evil”.
Biffy Clyro – God & Satan
Btw readers. My dead grandfather? His name was Tony. Never knew he existed, I mean, I thought he was dead. Until 2002 when I found out he had died.
I didn’t know how I was supposed to react. I was criticised for not mourning a man I had never known.
Names are important to me. People change their names for a variety of reasons. Usually because they’re trying to run or hide or escape something. Blend in, assimilate, camouflage, lie, hide, survive…
I find it fascinating. To learn of the reasons people choose certain names over others. Also, the things a person will willingly attach their name. To have it be known that they associated or were involved in any way with the development of a thing… Like a fair-weather friend.
People only want their successes known; anything that may indicate otherwise… they will deny, lie and decry any mistake on their part!
Clockwise from left: Anni (Annikki), Marty (Matti), Tony (Toivo), and Pekka (Peter). That’s my dad.