The Real Deal

Watch “Flyleaf – I’m So Sick [HQ]” on YouTube

I will break into your thoughts with what’s written on my heart / I will break

I’m so sick, infected with where I live / let me live without this / empty bliss, selfishness / I’m so sick

If you want more of this / we can push out, sell out, die out / so you’ll shut up and stay sleeping / with me screaming in your itching ears

Hear it, I’m screaming it / you’re heeding to it now / hear it, I’m screaming it / you’ll tremble at the sound

You sink into my clothes / this invasion makes me feel worthless, hopeless, sick

I haven’t been writing, I haven’t been working on anything in the background. My “silence” on WordPress and Instagram has been because I’ve been absent – I’ve been offline, rather than online.

I have spoken on here before (whether in comments or the blog… I don’t remember) about how 2018 saw a change in my sleeping patterns, as well as much of my character. 2018 I slept much less hours per night, as I was just… awake. Not necessarily manic nor hypomanic (though I did go through some stages of hypomania). Just… not sleepy.

I have started sleeping a lot again. Much of my days of recent past has been spent in bed. As much as I’ve been able, that is.

This week I have been called in to work as a casual (substitute) teacher 3 days! Which is fantastic as we need the money. So that’s a total of 4/18 teaching days I’ve had this year. This is on top of the 8 hours of weekly tutoring I’ve been doing since the start of the term.

I’m booked in for surgery for the 27th. Hopefully this will be the last time. I’m so sick of my body letting me down.

Oh, to clarify the seemingly disjointed points of this blog post…

  • I haven’t been writing on my blog as I’ve been busy – actually working.
  • I’m sick, again. I’m so very tired in more ways than one.
  • I’m grateful that money comes into my life when it’s necessary.
  • I’m frustrated of living hand to mouth.
  • This blog post was just to update you guys, assuming you noticed/cared.