The chief muse disagrees with you

Ok. I’m going to stop you right there. This post is just about 1875 words long. Just so you know…

Oh Hector, you’re a cocky little cunt, aren’t you? You’re lucky I’m not a violent person. I only lash out like so when I’m pushed to the limit of my patience, or if I’m bored and looking for a laugh. Right now, I am feeling neither of those things.

Proceed no further, you’ve got a lot to learn. This might take a while. You’re going to want to sit down. Here, I even brought a chair just for you. Sit between her legs (not mine), and get comfy.

SIT.

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Many of you people are observant of humanity and their idiosyncrasies, and because you are on WordPress this will mean that you are either a writer or a reader of words. Lots of words, since these articles are much longer than mainstream social media would deem appropriate for their platforms

  • Twitter – 140 characters?! Oh please, I can barely keep my blog headings to that character count.
  • Facebook – status updates, a general catch all to update everyone on your life without having to actually talk to anyone.
    • I have a Facebook account which I stopped using last year (but I keep it to harvest photographs from when I used it HEAPS!)
  • Instagram – instantaneous telegram, to show the world an image you have deemed to be of utmost importance.
    • I have an Instagram account I started as a promotional thingy to accompany this blog.
  • Snapchat – blink and you’ll miss it. How coy, and trucking annoying.

I don’t look down on social media. I just don’t like using it. This is because I am just OMFG SO MANY WORDS, and would rather not have to deal with condensing myself down to fit their thing.

ANYWAY! BACK TO MY ORIGINAL POINT.

I’m not sure how you see yourself in relation to the rest of society.

  • I’m not sure if this is because you see yourself as better than others that you would not stoop to such banal and base activities as they?
  • Or perhaps because you are such a precious little snowflake, too afraid to live?
  • Or I posit that you just so common,you cannot see the truth of the matter – that you are unique, but you are no different to anybody else.

But you’re a fool to think that people want to be different. No one wants to be different. It is the rare individual that WANTS to stand out. For standing out from the crowd makes you a target.

Art is a great unifier. So I present you a song (from my WyrdPriss playlist, of course) to illustrate my point.


KATE MILLER-HEIDKE – CAUGHT IN THE CROWD (full lyrics)

It was after school in the afternoon /The corridors were crowded as we came out of the rooms / Three guys I knew pushed him into the cement / Threw away his bag and said he had no friends / He yelled that he did and he looked around / Tried getting up but they pushed him on down / That’s when he saw me, called out my name / And I turned my back and just walked away

I was young and caught in the crowd / I didn’t know then what I know now / I was dumb and I was proud and I’m sorry / If I could go back, do it again / I’d be someone you could call friend / Please, please believe that I’m sorry


 

I know I am rebellious, but that is not an active choice I make in my character. It is a descriptive of the type of person I am. I am doing the same thing I have always done my whole life – whatever I need to do to get by.

If it suits my purposes I will shut my mouth and play dead, avoid rocking the boat at all costs. That’s just survival. That’s when the societal seas are tumultuous enough as it is and going with the flow is the only way to surpass the storm.

However, I refuse to back down when I believe in something. And it is my instinctive nature to protect others, or stand up to bullies which has gotten me fucking cut down before.

I’ve said this before and I will repeat myself again – I DON’T START SHIT, BUT I WILL END IT.

I’m so sick to death of everyone thinking they are an expert on this, or that, because they heard it from here, or read it there. Or rather, they received an education from such and such institution. Fan-bloody-tastic. Experts say this, and experts say that. I’m an expert so you should all listen to me. Blah-blah-blah.

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You know what I’m an expert on? BULLSHIT. Behold, a select few points from a lifetime of qualifying credentials:

  • 2002 – My year 10 English teacher talked about my homework to the whole class. That it was grade-A bullshit. I managed to turn the average 2 sentences that everyone else wrote into a 3 PARAGRAPH RESPONSE.
    • Write for your audience. When in school, write more because that is what they want from you. It doesn’t matter what you say or that you waffle on about crap, they just want you to get used to PRODUCING WORD FILLER.
  • 2007 – My husband and I did a TAFE course to get a HSC equivalent certification. The goal was to get a job and/or go to university to advance our future prospects. There was a misandrist teacher who was a real biased bitch, she marked the female students favourably. Good luck proving it through, I can only speculate as correlation doesn’t equate causation.
    • I wrote 2 essays, one for myself and one for my husband. Different topics, but the structure, language, writing formula was the same. Of course the essay with my name on it was marked higher than the one I put his name on. An interesting experiment.
    • Know your audience in order to make the maximum impact with your writing.
  • 2008 – My first year at university. I wrote an essay that ultimately disagreed with the topic argument, but I thought that because I had backed myself up with reputable sources, it wouldn’t matter. I was being ‘academic.’ Barely scraped a pass, I received between 50-55% for my mark.
    • Tell your audience what they want to hear. It doesn’t matter what you think. Unless you have a university doctorate, have had years of dedicated study and published peer-reviewed articles, your opinions and ideas don’t mean shit.
  • 2009 – Disillusioned with university experience, I tested just how far I could push the limits. I particularly hated this one lecturer so my class-arsehole antics occurred under her tutelage. I have a number of stories I could share.
    • (EXCERPT FROM LIVEJOURNAL, 7 SEPT 09) That test I was fretting about seemed to go by fair enough. Agent Smith and I were the last to the room and the first to leave. As soon as the lecturer said we could leave, before she had even finished her sentence, we stood up. I finished before the minimum half hour duration and so started opening my chocolate and was tryin to make as much noise with the foil wrapping as possible – because it was funny.
      How did I think I went? Umm.. Well if she can look past my bullshit, then terribly. But if my writing style is so spectacular and can mask my lack of knowledge, then I did pretty well. We’ll just have to see. Agent Smith and I don’t particularly care, we’re just getting a mad laugh out of this.

      • (28 SEPT 09) 58%. The lecturer said she thought I’d get a higher mark (because I seem to have all the answers in class *cough* bullshit artist *cough*) I guess my mark really did reflect my effort. Sigh. 58%!!! I passed without trying! Yay! But why can’t I be one of those genius freaks who get high distinctions without trying..?
    • 2nd in-class assessment task, I decided to write in dot points. You know, take her advice and GET STRAIGHT TO THE POINT WITH DOT POINTS!
      • Some of these dot points were just key words, not even sentences. Because fuck her.
      • 87%. WTF.
    • Some shit is just chaos, and screw trying to figure it out. The relationship between KNOWLEDGE & EFFORT & RESULT is tenuous at best.

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My most ‘successful’ blog posts are the ones where I am literally just making this shit up as I go. Like right now. No drafts, no plans as part of my master strategy. Legit just pulling ideas out of my arse like hairs caught between the butt-cheeks in the shower, and ‘sticking’ them to the tiles on the wall to leave a mark of yourself to remind the next sorry soul that there is no escape from you or your omnipresent hair.

What was the point of all this writing and words and basic stream-of-conscious-self-vocalisation?

I don’t remember.

Oh yeah, NO ONE WANTS TO BE DIFFERENT. People want to belong. That’s why everyone is searching for love and acceptance.

People are so individualised and separate, they crave attention and affection. But fame and adoration of faceless crowds are meaningless, because they lack genuine human interaction. They lack ‘HEART’.

I am not lacking in love in my life. I have tons of love. I receive and give love freely. I give of myself in such a way because I know what I’m like. I’m an attention seeking, self deprecating, co-dependent egomaniac. And I know that I’m not different to anyone else. I’m part of so many majorities that (and I’ve said this before) I am often forgotten.

I remind people of someone they think they remember, but not once have I been the person they claimed to have known.

  • I am NOT the half-Viet, half-Aussie Kim.
  • I DO NOT have a sister named Kate.
  • Yes, I am sure. I would know if I had a sibling.
  • That’s not how you spell my name.
  • I don’t think everything is about me. I just observed a pattern and wanted to ask about it.
  • OMG Yes, I made mistakes. I’ve done a ton of shit I’m not proud of.
  • I’m not bringing up the past, I’m making generalisations. I’m trying to move on.
  • Sweeping statements and broad generalisations made me a target, where I was (and still am) too proud and must remember to bow my head so low my nose scrapes the ground.
  • You press the heel of your shoe against my back to remind me who lords over the manor.
  • I was just voicing my thoughts and feelings out loud; you are the one who decided my message had any substance by the way it struck something inside yourself.
  • My head so low so not be seen, but you cannot silence me. For you heard me and you cannot forget what you felt.
  • My generalisations (which is my attempt to demonstrate that this is a universal experience WE CAN ALL BENEFIT AND LEARN FROM) are the same laments and joyous cries of generations.
  • It’s the same shit over and over again. Everything has already been said, done, felt or thought before. We just don’t know the exact limitations and extent of this anaphora.
  • For everything is semi aegis mecum simulacrum ana rebus al chthonic khumeia.

The source of inspiration for this diatribal homily? TMM: The Quest for Innovation — irevuo

 

 

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