LJ archives: An insight to my creative process

03 August 2009 @ 08:33

a little bit  

I don’t know whether to expand on the story (paragraph, hah) “Feathers” or just begin a new one and call it “Tar and Feather.” Because I’ve been thinking of this beautiful idea and was going to have it separate, but thought this morning of actually linking them in some way. The original idea was the girl standing on a window ledge, reaching for the stars, slipping, falling, all while grasping at nothing but air. THEN this morning I thought about bringing the ideas of the makeshift feather wings back. What if the girl wore them herself, and they didn’t work because they’re not supposed to be her wings? Or if she couldn’t find the intended recipient (been what, 2 months?) so that’s why? And then I dunno, another girl (on her way to coincidentally see the guy) comes across the lifeless body on the pavement, picks up the wings and brings it to the guy. Why? Who knows, maybe “Look what I found”. And the guy is all thankful and “oh wow” etc, unaware of where or who they were originally from. HOW DRAMATIC.

Something completely unrelated (thus the title, ‘a little bit’ of this and that), I guess I like facial hair on guys in general. Not every guy I’ve been interested in sported some form of whiskers, but I like it. Not too short so it’s scratchy, and not too long that it’s unkempt. However when it came to my wedding I demanded J shave his beard because I did not want him “hiding” behind his facial hair in photos. I wanted to marry the man behind the hair, and he could grow it straight back (take a few days? LOL) afterwards.

The new meds have been okay I guess, I’m actually eating more on the escitalopram than I did on the paroxetine (eating like normal without the meds, I guess). But my sleep has not been as peaceful and I don’t tire out so early (during those few weeks I was crashing out around 8pm). I was happy to stay up and watch movies/tv and hang out past 10pm the past 2 nights, making it past midnight on Friday! But then again, I’ve only been on these for 4 days. I don’t know how great it is for my moods, I haven’t ‘freaked out’ yet.

The only part I remember from my dream last night was I was baking cookies. I baked 3 batches. The first two were only slightly burnt on the bottom from the metal baking tray, but by the 3rd batch they were absolutely perfect.

Uni was okay, lots of reading to do. Some friends in my classes, and back with the musical society. I start somewhat early, but not as bad as some people who have 8am starts (suckers), 10am and 9am. Got counselling at 2pm on Friday as well. Yeah, that still goes on. Wonder how it will go this time? I think it’s been about a month since I last went.
Wonder how long before I get ditched by my friends? Happened last year/semester (last year’s group of friends), and in high school. Counting down til the end of this semester, or the start of next year, and we’ll see who still wants to talk to me. I don’t hear from any one who I spoke to last year. I didn’t even fucking do anything that time. It’s okay because I like this year’s meat better, common interests and such, but because of my screw up let’s see how long before the poison is spread.


04 August 2009 @ 07:11

explaining my idea  

For some reason I feel I should probably explain the over dramatization of the story idea. The girl is very high up in order to be closer to the stars, therefore the fall would result in (accidental) death. I came up with it while lying in bed a few weeks ago, when the depression was really bad. It was mostly about reaching for the stars and failing. The inclusion of the wings came afterwards, and the second girl only yesterday morning. So the wings and second girl were mere after thoughts, as I think it nice to have tie-ins, but not part of the original idea.
Blah, just talking about it would mean I probably won’t get around to actually writing it.

Never feel guilty for dreams, as they are only dreams. I don’t remember last night’s dream as a whole, but I only remember certain snippets. Like there was a part with Snow White and the 7 dwarves. Snow White was this old wrinkled woman, tall, black hair, a lovely white dress, holding a pistol. She had 7 dwarves around her who were dressed in suits, shaved faces, and they all looked old, also, and like puppets/animation (real yet not real, like the Asgard from Stargate) (I just had an image of this woman who’s face was melted from a car crash, she was on Oprah once photo link. The dwarves faces looked old as in melted, not old like portrayed in the Disney film), they all looked up at Snow White as if she would tell them what to do.

There was another part when somebody was using magic to dress a mannequin but the fabric didn’t hold so somebody else used magic and there was beautiful colour swirling all around the mannequin for a few minutes, so mesmorising, and when it was done the mannequin was not clothed but only covered in colour (red and green, and it was pale in colour, like smudging pencil shavings on paper), “Well at least it’s not nude, anymore.”

Another part was there was a party at a park and we set up all these shade tents and stuff, and took some acid. The whole place then looked as if it had turned into the 60s. And during the dream when I’d come back to visit periodically, it was slowly fading back to present day decor and atmosphere.

And the last part I remember was finding a man bleeding from his mouth and chest, however he was upside down, fixed to the under side of a table. He looked terribly beaten. And all I remember about the identity of this man was that he was “The Last Man.”

Categories: The Real Deal

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