05 March 2009 @ 21:10
never believed in fate – until..
when infrancethey said that j and i were “soul mates”, it really reminded me of this.
for years, since 2000, my online name has been Alita Lane (as you know). now it’s no longer a pseudonym! my surname (by marriage) now is actually Lane.
i met j in 2005, so it’s like it was fate.
and i didn’t marry him for his name. marriage for just a name is so much effort and time and money for what? so you can be happy when you look at the addressee on your bills? pfft. i write this disclaimer because i HAVE been asked if that’s why i married him.
i never believed in fate before. nothing happens for a reason, it happens because it happens.
perhaps i’ve told this story before, but here it is anyway.
i had met this guy at a mutual friends house, and he invited me to come over later that night. and that’s where i met j.
through out the night we talked about how we weren’t into relationships and monogamy, just wanting the have fun and live our lives doing whatever we wanted. i was really interested in him and so i wanted to sleep with him that night (and we did) which was really out of character for me. he was so hesitant and oblivious to my moves because he was interested in me and didn’t want to treat me like any other girl (which was to bed them and be rid of them).
and we enjoyed the sex so much that we just kept hanging out and being together. so what was meant to be a one night stand turned in to so much more.
just two weeks later, at his place, i just remember going up to him and as i wrapped my arms around him i said “i love you” for the first time. it just came out of my mouth totally unintentional and without thought. after i said it, in my head i was all like, “fuck fuck fuck. what did i just say? oh shit, i’m going to be stuck in a relationship??”
i’ve never just blurted out those three words before. i’ve always thought about it before hand, even said it without meaning it. but never have i just involuntarily spouted it out.
and then he said it back.
even though i was scared and hesitant about it at the time, looking back on it i think i can say that it really was meant the be. the soul just knows when it has found its mate.
and as the story went on, we dated for a year and a half before we got married. now we have a baby and so forth.
this is my happy.. unending.