Fill my coffers so I may reveal yours

Yeah. That’s pretty low of me, isn’t it? I’m not threatening anything. I legit mean it with an open heart.

Last year I lost my job. This is because I took a lot of time off due to my diabetes running havoc on my body, but I got pretty steady casual work for the final couple of months of the year.

However, upon the drama of last year where that black mailer sent out those emails and rah rah, I am a social pariah. I have no social group of friends, I have no word of any work, and my husband’s career has stalled and is being held on by tentative pegs. Oh yes, in case you forgot, the black mailer emailed my husband’s company and distributed all that sensitive and personal stuff.

His job is on the line because there are those that know him and are trying to help him keep his job, and there are those who see this whole saga as much more drama than it’s worth and are trying to cut him loose.

“But that’s not fair!” You might say.

No, it’s not fair, but it doesn’t have to be fair. That’s business, isn’t it? The whole “it’s not personal, it’s business. You are costing more than you are contributing. Therefore you are expendable.” That is the way of corporations.

I think I’ve been a pretty good sport about all of this. I have not named names, I have not pointed fingers. I have only gestured generally, hoping that things might work out.

I see that my inaction has given to be interpreted that I am a doormat, I am idle in my contrition.

No, my “silence” was proof of my magnanimity. And it has gotten me nowhere. It has drained my heart of any love and generosity towards my fellows of humanity.

I have said that without audience participation, I’m left to guess and work on my own desires. And there is no motivator greater than MONEY.

I am a teacher. But I have no class to teach. I have no students. So I am left with no one to help temper my tempest… thus I am Rick with no Morty.

I could be any character. I am the metatrope, after all. The metatrope is every ghost in any shell. That’s me. And isn’t that interesting that I am a woman and yet there are no women in the above graphic? Very well.

I know who I am. And I wish to teach others. Anything really, whatever I am able to teach. I can’t give you a formula for the answer to unlock your inner divinity. That would be an ongoing mentorship. I can help and guide. But every person is different.

I have teaching resources, but I don’t have audio or video to go along with it. Because part of Teaching is actually being there to guide the student through the work. So my PowerPoint slides and worksheets are not “complete packages”.

I need to write. I need to speak. I need to DO. I need to eat, I need to have purpose. I need to fuel my spirit.

I need to be able to afford my insulin and blood glucose sensors; I need to feel I am able to contribute to living in this house with my husband and children.

Indeed I should be more grateful, there are people far worse off than myself. However the security of financial prosperity then affords the individual more time to meditate and think about ways to elevate the whole, because their mind isn’t cluttered with thoughts of living hand to mouth.

Because philosophy and theology is a luxury.

Patreon. PayPal. I know I’m difficult, I haven’t made it easy for you to contribute or donate or purchase or whatever. I guess because I crave human interaction. Clicking buttons is too easy. I’d like the chance to thank you personally, I’d like to know what I can immediately do to honour you and your offering.

8 thoughts on “Fill my coffers so I may reveal yours

    • Kalliope says:

      I feel very very unhappy at the moment. It’s my depression. I only write from my own personal truth, and what I feel. And so I’m all about cynicism and seeing the world through tainted lenses. It depends on whether I see the world through rose or jade tinted glasses.


      • Zeno The Stoic says:

        Oh my goodness, I am sorry. Very sorry. I am in much the same position. And frankly always have been. I have always seen the world through black lenses and my glass has always been 1/4 full. I have been through so many different phases in my life, always looking for relief which has never arrived. chasing round the world not realizing that my problems were withing not in my external circumstances. Which is why I guess my interest have always been somewhat esoteric. If I find any answers you will be the first to know.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Kalliope says:

          Hey it’s all good. I found all the answers to my questions. I have them all. In times of stress and distress, though, I don’t know what I don’t know. My mind works against me.
          I am “help”, I am assistance. I can help guide wherever, whatever. But I require context and stuff. But thank you a ton. I appreciate it. Think of me as the Oracle of Delphi, Pythia. For my father’s name started with a “P”, it could be a small way of paying homage to him.

          Liked by 1 person

      • Zeno The Stoic says:

        Are you taking anything for your depression? I gave up prozac last August and am currently trying psilocybin in non perceptual doses. Or did i tell you that already? I am really not sure whether it is helping but my wife thinks it is.Hmm…I hope so. by the end of the year I hope to become a smiling happy little buddha. But I’m not holding my breath.

        Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.