28 August 2018
My kids were talking about what was considered old
L: (age 10) what do you think is old? How old is old?
X: (age 7) 35 is old
L: I think 50 is old
K: (age 31) that’s funny. You both said 5 times older than your own ages
X: i think 150 is old!
K: that’s 5x my age.
And I realise 5 is change. And it takes 5 generations to be forgotten. And 5 generations for something to be embedded into the collective subconscious and accepted as fact.
My life path is 5.
I’ve been spending my whole life trying to figure out why I’m so chaotic and changing and “free” and why others arent like this, and when is it too much chaos and change and freedom… and learning the good and the bad, I can’t live like a 5, it’s too chaotic. I need the harmony of the number 6. But that’s not my life path.
6 is my birthday… 15… 1+5=6. Lol. Cool. Harmony found? Now what? I could traverse the lessons of each number as i map them through my life. And believe me, I have done that already. In my head. All the numbers are there. That’s why 11 occurs so often in everything, everywhere in my life…
But i can’t live like that. I can only live one life at a time. And I can only play my part in this life time. And this is likely my last lifetime on earth. Why? Because all the signs point to yes. Let’s call it psychic intuition. I’m not going to reincarnate after I die. Because fuck, existence is suffering so hell no.
You know, my wedding anniversary is 11/11. Remembrance day. Why did we pick that date? Its between our birthdays, and we wanted the convenience of a “celebration week”. Originally went for the 12th because it’s closer to the middle (10th and 15th), but the 12th was a Sunday and omg sunday surcharges are the worst. Changing to the 11th was merely a convenience… the number 11 didnt mean anything to either of us then. The only reason I being it up is because I learned about… what is considered to be “the soul”.
All of my beliefs are natural progressions from one school of thought to another, and that progression is not to deny the former but to embed it into a new system and way of thinking.
As an educator with a passion for learning and helping to foster that love of learning in kids… I learned about cogat tests and stuff and it would have been grand if my parents had me take one. But they didnt, just as they didnt ever have me tested or diagnosed or treated… because they didnt want me to live with the burden (or blessing) of a label.
Because I’m cluey and all that shit, I have pretty good deductive reasoning capabilities. (And without getting narcissistic or anything) I fit snugly into the cogat 9a profile. Maybe I am just gifted and a genius and shit. It doesn’t matter or mean anything, because look where I am now! Nowhere! Nowhere specific or significant. Just living my life.
It gets too confusing thinking about all of the possibilities of all of the numbers. So we go back to what we know, what we’re familiar with. Without reverting back to “old, self inflated, self destructive, narcissistic ways”.
So I’m embracing the number 5. And using “my gift” (my invisible secret weapon) of the 6. I’m not a leader. I’m not the number 1. Even if there are a lot of 1’s in my name/birthdate.
I’m the crazy. I’m chaotic. I’m free. And people love me, they like me. They do what I want, things just always seem to work out. I’m lucky. Jesus fuck do I have a lot of luck in my life. (Friends/family would literally touch me “for luck” hoping my luck would rub off on them… and it would work for some reason.. lol)
If I think about it too much, that luck turns equally sour. And I have long strings of bad luck. Just shit on top of shit. Like now. Look at this shit.
I should have been a hufflepuff. They are great at finding things. I’m really good at finding things. But I’m a ravenclaw. And I fucking love it.