25 August 2018
Helped my daughter write part of her speech for school.
I introduced her to the song “Schism” by Tool to help her write the speech. We discussed a bunch of stuff, and then at the end I collapsed into painful stomach cramps on the floor.
The psychic connection I share with my daughter. What I do for her, what she gets from me, what we mean to each other… I thought that if I miscarry, then omg that’d be interesting. I could think about it. And if I don’t miscarry, then it doesn’t matter.
I’m essentially constantly experimenting with my control of reality, the power of manifestation, everything… when everything is symbolic, everything has meaning, and then what do you do with that? Knowledge, or information, or whatever? I’m constantly experimenting everything. And it’s taking a toll on my body.
It fucking hurts. And I don’t know if the pain in my stomach is from my bowels or my uterus. My crazy sugar levels is caused by my foetus.
But that’s like saying which came first the chicken or the egg? I answered that the egg came first because what comes of out the egg is the chicken, but that doesn’t mean the egg came from a chicken. The egg is an egg, a husk or shell that contains something within it. Like with Shroedinger’s cat… the thought experiment. It’s through looking that informs the actual reality of the situation. You can predict all you want, employ any method of probability, yet nothing is 100% certain until you actually look at it.
If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one to hear it, does it make a sound? No. But it produces vibrations. Vibrations can be heard or they can be felt. It makes no sound if no one hears it, but it does produce vibrations that can be felt but not heard.
Jain and I spoke about systems failure and it’s a style of business management. He told me a bunch of stuff that I don’t remember exactly. But it reminded me of what I already do. And only senior business managers can do all of those things in a business model. But he sees me as narcissistic, and experiencing a “god complex” delusion.
I was trying to get him to understand something. I wanted him to understand he wasn’t going to lose his job, and that he would be fine in terms of the changes happening at work. I learned that the changes at work are at odds with his identity and his perceptions of himself and what he does. He knows exactly how he fits in his current job, and he knows the new business model that will be integrated. But he is at odds with how much will change.
He doesn’t resonate with “trust”, has very much “results”. I dunno. I’ve forgotten. And again I am reminded of the intense physical pain happening right this second in my abdomen.