The Real Deal

This one is from me to ja know who u r

15 January 2019, 12:20am; It’s not me you want. You think it’s me, but it’s not. I’m just the… I dunno. I am the empty shell, the blank canvas, the unformed clay, the block of marble. I’m the vision of some spectral memory in your dreams. I’m the girl of your dreams that you always wanted.

But the truth of reality is that I’m none of those things. I’m just… the screen upon which you project your own inner desires. I’m whomever you want me to be. Because I am nothing. I am lonely. I am dead inside. I am empty.

I am the black hole sun within the landscape of your sound garden. I’m not white, nor black, I’m not yellow, brown or red. I’m not the same as the colours of the land. I’m not bloated, nor am I blue nor green. I’m not the same as the healing and concealing waters of the big briny seas.

I’m just words, I am all talk. I could never walk the talk I proclaim to squawk. I am just hot air. I am made of carbon, and I respire. Breathe in, and breathe out, on endless repeat. I just wanted to mean something to someone. I wanted to be acknowledged. I wanted to be remembered for me, not someone else I resembled in your memory. I wanted to be free to be me.

I’m sorry I let you down. AGAIN. That’s all I ever do, though. Isn’t it? We’ve been down this road before (so many times before, whether we remember or not, I know my power… I know that thing that I do, all those effing things that I always do, even if I do not remember. Even if I do not realise I am doing them in the present moment that I do)

In the little I understand about love, know that I love you. I think I love you, I know I love you. I. Love. You. Just as you are. But… I could never love me. Not ever, not really, not truly. I could never love myself because I hate the way you look at me when try to be all of the contradictory aspects that fill this fleshblob container we know as “me.”

JOHN BUTLER TRIO – BETTERMAN

Betterman I am since I
Come into contact with you
And you taught so many things about myself
and you know this is true
but now we are apart and its all my fault
cos you know I need to be alone
Don’t know myself
so how can I share me with you girl or anyon e

Don’t want to be a thorn in your side
good woman
Always be the one
to make you cry
Don’t wanna be that guy
Good woman
cos you deserve everything
and I got nothing so leave me
and I’ll go away better off I stay
Far from you,
because you are beautiful

BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

Now typical man
I am because you think
I want my cake and eat it too
Cos say I can’t be in a relationship
but I still feel for you
Cos you are the best woman
This old man has ever met
You taught me about my soul
you shared with me your magic

Don’t want to be a thorn in your side
good woman
Always be the one
to make you cry
Don’t wanna be that guy
Good woman
cos you deserve everything
and I got nothing so leave me
and I’ll go away better off I stay
Far from you,
because you are beautiful

Betterman I am since I
Come into contact with you
And you taught
so many things about myself
and you know this is true
but now we are apart and its all my fault
cos you know I need to be alone
Don’t know myself
so how can I share me with you girl
or anyone
Cause you are

BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL WOMAN…
BETTER MAN I AM COS OF YOU…

 

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