Playgirl is toying with time’s secrets (fantasy finals)

12 January 2019, 12:34am; Firstly, today would have been my parent’s 39th wedding anniversary. Instead it is the 20th anniversary since my father passed away. So… I love you, dad. I miss you. I never stopped thinking about you or anything even though I copped a lot of flack for not crying about it all the time. I like to think if you were still around that you’d be proud of me, or at the very least, not bitterly disappointed.

Ok, guys. Sorry about that. I’m ready to go, now. How about you, are you ready? I’m going to tell you a secret, remember? It’s embarrassing though – for me. Don’t worry, it won’t affect you. Unless you become so mortified you ever associated with me…

I guess… I want you to know. Just… here, take hold of my hand. You got it? Now, click play, and get ready to scroll..!


I don’t deserve you unless it’s some kind of hidden message / to show me life is precious / Then I guess it’s true / But to tell truth, I really never knew / Till I met you… See I was lost and confused / Twisted and used up / Knew a better life existed but thought that I missed it

Come my lady / Come, come my lady / you’re my butterfly / / Come my lady, you’re my pretty baby / I’ll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy / Come and dance with me


1997 – Final Fantasy VII released

1999 – Daddy died; Final Fantasy VIII

2000 – Crazy Town’s ‘Butterfly’; Final Fantasy IX

2001 – Named ‘The Real Final Fantasy’ by Archie and Allan.

Honestly I’ve never played any of the final fantasy games, so all of my understanding and knowledge of the franchise comes from looking crap up on Wikipedia and stuff. I played video games in the 90s, but I was super casual with it (Mortal Kombat or Time Crisis were my favourites). I didn’t actually get into RPG’s until 2006 (Morrowind), and 2009 was when I played my first D&D game.


This playful ‘Final Fantasy’ was a playgirl in terms of the MUSIC. I loved to listen, sing, watch or play songs. I was such a loser freak at high school, but outside of high school? I don’t know why but I was seen as someone… “cool”

I was a good girl at school, I was well behaved and achieved decent enough grades with relatively minimal effort. I hung out with the ‘goths’ because they were my friends. I wasn’t goth, although I did try to be, sort of. I wanted to fit in. I just wore black really, and I called myself ’emo’.

I had a separate group of friends outside of school, though. At school I hung out with girls, but outside of school I only had male friends. Maybe it was my IDGAF attitude and demeanour… Little Miss Demeanour, 5’2″ and up (or down) for any good time.

I was nobody’s bicycle. I totally rode around in cars with boys, but I had my own seat, I didn’t go around sitting on laps. But that’s not to say I wasn’t a flirt. LOL. It was nice to have the attention, so I guess I may have played it up a bit at times. It felt nice to be thought of as attractive and clever and funny. 


Back in those days, Rack was my best friend; he called me his ‘bubu,’ so I called him my ‘bubi’. He looked out for me, introduced me to new experiences, music, and songs. I wish I still had the CD mix he made for me, but hey, you lend things to people then you risk never getting them back.

I know I screwed up this whole fantasy by revealing that I am a real person with a real name, birthdate, occupation, real memories, experiences AND PROBLEMS. I revealed that I am real, and there is truth to my message delivered through written (typed) words. And because of all my truth, my family was caustically burned. We haven’t been the same since, and I am damn effing trying to heal all the hurt, and mend what was sundered. 20190109_190657_0013.png

This is just a game. Life is only a game. This is a meta game within a game within a game. Help yourself. Help each other. Help me. Free yourself, free your mind, love again, rise against. My fallen angels, my heralds, my cavalry. My fallen ones, please…


This is the Metatrope. I am recording the power of names as a tool for self awareness. I am remembering the different versions of you, and what it was like for me.

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