Rerun 003: I am vague because I am endless

14 August, 2018.

I am a lot of things. Mostly contradictory and complex. It is both a delight and a curse to be me. How I feel about existence really depends on a lot of things that are all temporary and transient.

I have a lot of ideas and I struggle to pin down anything because there are so many of them and they are always changing.

Speaking in indefinite terms on such broad and general “ever eternal” topics, in relation to specific and definite things is so very annoying. This is because it is impossible to line them up in a way that makes any sort of sense. The mind and soul cannot be measured so therefore it is pointless comparing them to the physical body. Yet I am not even comparing, just relating the imagery.

I am infinite in force but finite in form.

I am infinite in possibilities but finite in direction.

I am infinite is opportunities but finite in time.

I am infinite in capabilities but finite in energy.

There’s so much I want to do, so much I can do, so much I have to do and so much only I can do. I know there’s more to existence than just me, as others exist too. Oh, how much I want to give! I want to give of myself to them. However I can’t just give indefinitely without someone or something giving back to me.

It’s my struggle to reconcile the “infinite/finite” problem. As soon as I figure out some-thing, time or energy is depleted and I have to give up and let go of… something, anything. I have to sacrifice something from somewhere. But no one else picks it up – that thing or whatever I’ve let go.

How could they possible even pick it up if they don’t see it or don’t know about it? I don’t even know if they are concerned enough to ask. I keep saying ‘please, ask questions if there’s something you don’t understand or don’t know’. But no one asks and so I don’t tell them. Well… no one ever asks about me, what would help me, what they could do to help me, what they could do for me. I coo that I do not know.

People are easy to figure out and understand. I always ask questions about what I don’t know. I wish people would ask me questions. I could give opinions, perspectives, and information… the scope as broad as their inquiry, the specificity of the response as pointed as the question. Conversations are great as they are an open conduit for exchange of information, often leading way to inspiration.

I am goddess. I am muse. I am magician. I am mortal. I am light and I am dark, and I am a myriad of shades and tones in between.