The Real Deal

Hear My Sirensong… HMS starShips

2 January 2019, 1:36 am; I have decided on a new category, or tag, or… something… I dunno yet… but… Since MODERN-MYSTIC-MOTHER (MMM) is my, this here, name for this domain and shit… I’ve always tried to implant in all your brains that I am not the same as my domain name. #mmmother is but a vessel. A container to house me (the author, personal person behind the words on the screen), and because I am a massive swirlpool of whatever-trevor-swirly-twirly-whirly-birdy STUFF & associated SHIZNIT… I had to try in some way or another… figure out how to organise and categorise all the crap that I hold in my mental cargo bay.

So… HMS will hereby be known (on my bloggy blog) to represent MY SONG OF THE DAY?! Because we all need a song to play, to herald our way. A tune to whistle while we work… I find music helps to set the tone and mood for… whatever, the scene. Like if this were a movie, the musical score and soundtrack sets the audience up for whatever will happen next.

This is the second day of the year, and because I’m in Australia, I live in the future. Or… not really. It’s just time zones. But I live X amount of hours ahead of most of my audience. So, without further adieu, the captain of this here starship wants to share with you a little ditty. oKay, take it away – youtube!

Dan Wilson – What a year for a new year

What a year for a new year / We need it like we needed life I guess / Last one left us lying in a mess / What a year for a new year / What a night for a sunrise / And we thought the dark would never end / Reaching out to try to find a friend / What a night for a sunrise / Sunrise // What a day for new day / And our star shines like a miracle / And our world is almost beautiful again / What a day for a new day / New day // What a year for a new year // What a night for a sunrise / And we thought the dark would never end / Reaching out to try to find a friend / What a night for a sunrise / Sunrise / Soon we’ll be lying in our beds / And new dreams will fill our heads / And the old ones will be ended / Hope we’ll forget about this place / Let it go without a trace / Wipe the teardrops from our faces / Oh! What a year for a new year!

1:52am; I am garbage without a partner, a team or whatever.. I am pretty shit at making things work for myself. I’m a ‘lucky charm’ sort of.. I mean.. I dunno, shit works out the way I want it to? Or.. it depends really… stuff works out for the people whomever I somewhat, somehow, work or collaborate with.

And… every year I always have the same ‘new year resolution’. It’s just one. I don’t make a list because it’s bullshit. I hate setting myself up to fail, so I set the bar so low… so very generalised… that OMFG anyone who fails to do it doesn’t deserve to live.

I think I failed to do my ‘resolution’ at all in 2018… Err… here it is.

My only ‘new year resolution’ that I reuse and recycle every single year is… BE/DO BETTER.

I just resolve to try to be a better person at whatever I’m doing. That’s my ‘goal’ every single year. So.. yeah. 2018 was a huge failure for me. I really don’t deserve any of the good shit you guys say about me. I failed hardcore. I was the worst. And it is totally because I turned to the internet when shit got as crazy psycho in my synaptic brain electricity. Super doper ZING-CRACKLE-POP-N-FREESHER. I had to just word vomit my brain gas SOMEWHERE because I couldn’t keep talking my husband’s ears off (they were metaphorically bleeding from all the overtime they had to endure listening to me and my verbal tripe)

Well. I’m not one to make lists of goals to work towards since I never actually complete any list I make for myself. So I made myself a shopping wishlist graphic.


Why the above stuff?

  1. The computer I use is actually my work laptop. And I will need to return it to school, seeing as I am casually employed. This laptop would be going to whomever they hire to fill the position I was temping for when I was under contract for the first 9 months of last year.
  2. I want to do some sort of audio/visual recordings for stuff. Maybe give voice to my bullshit stories (like narrate them, or whatever, orate them, or something)
  3. I’m a teacher, and so I deliver lessons and communicate with my whole essence when I speak and teacher. My darling students often lament “we’ve got Lane!” or “why can’t you be our teacher” when I’d come in and work casually last term. It’s sweet really. But maybe because I’m a terrible disciplinarian.
  4. Generally… I just want them to LEARN SOMETHING even if it’s not necessarily part of the curriculum checklist. Just.. try. Do something. Practice something. Explore ideas and concepts and see whatever happens. Just participate and don’t make life harder for others. We’re all just trying to get by.
  5. I guess I’d like to be able to run ‘webinars’ or… some sort of workshop or classes… I don’t know just yet really. I guess it depends on what you guys bring to me?
  6. I compulsively overanalyse and interpret everything symbolically. So… Yeah, tarot and stuff? Love it. It’s fun for me. And I would like to do that, but not only that.
  7. I’d like a designated work space somewhere at home. Because SPACIAL ENVIRONMENT is a huge part of helping me stay focused on the role I play in a particular power structure/dynamic. Like.. what are my responsibilities and what needs to be done. That’s… my… area of expertise? Bullshit bastardising whatever to make sure shit works and gets done.


2:22 am; See? That’s me. I have a unique fucking perspective of seeing anything… any sandwich whatever way. Which makes it nigh infuriating to have to live with me and put up with me. Because I just… seem to (not always intentionally!) weasel my way through whatever shit it set before me. Eeek. It drives my husband nuts.

Good thing I’m married to Hades. Otherwise I’m sure everyone who has ever tried to kill me would have surely succeeded. LOL.

Which reminds me… I should tell you a secret… But it’s not really a secret. But it’s one of my personal beliefs, one of my… ‘mantras’? Is that the appropriate usage of the word? Anyway…

We’re all indestructible until we have fulfilled our purpose in this life.

And because I am a little ball of nuclear sun energy, the intense pressure and fury that I put on myself which also burns inside of me … as narcissistic and pompous as this is, I’ve always kind of felt that my purpose in life was to be an example unto others… but… of how NOT to be.

Heh, yeah… learn from my mistakes, I guess. Because I make a shit ton of them. Heck, I am a mistake… I… want to believe I have purpose… and I guess that’s it then. That’s my purpose… to show the “outcast” and “voiceless” that it’s okay to feel like shit. Because I feel like shit all the time. But also, I’m the only one who says that about me. So… change the voice inside your head.

Change your tune. And if that’s too difficult, talk to me. I am the queen of procrastination and distractions. w00t.