The Real Deal

With open hands, and open arms

24 December 2018, 11:02am. This is Christmas eve and who is filled with the joy of seasons greetings and holiday cheer? I have never felt so apathetic about xmas in my life before this year! This year I actually forgot about a bunch of stuff because time held little relevance to whatever was going on in my head.

Why? Because daydreaming or mental escapism is much more preferable to reality. Because imagination is an intoxicating spiral that leads you to your own inner abyss. Because sinking to the depth of reality is real. Imagination is all phantom.

Part of me wants to be bitter and angry. But I am beyond that now. I am just sad.


There’s a song that’s inside of my soul / It’s the one that I’ve tried to write over and over again / I’m awaken in the infinite cold / But you sing to me over and over and over again // So I lay my head back down / And I lift my hands and pray / To be only yours, I pray / To be only yours / I know now / You’re my only hope // Sing to me the song of the stars / Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again / When it feels like my dreams are so far / Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again // I give you my destiny / I’m giving you all of me / I want your symphony / Singing in all that I am / At the top of my lungs / I’m giving it all I have

This song really feels like it’s all past tense for me. That none of it is relevant anymore.

So the end of the year. Finally. Right? I know it’s only the 24th, but I can check out early, right? Escapism and imagination and everything right? Our of the dream scape and into the real world. I’ve got a 10hour car drive ahead of me and turns out I’m short a driving partner…

Oh, and obviously, lol, there’s not such thing as the big 4 either. That was just me making it up in my head and projecting it here on to the digital sphere. There was never any back up band mates accompanying me with anything. I made it all up to not feel so pathetic. 🙂


The Dead South – In Hell I’ll be in Good Company

Dead love couldn’t go no further / Proud of and disgusted by her / Push shove, a little bruised and battered / Oh Lord I ain’t coming home with you / My life’s a bit more colder / Dead wife is what I told her / Brass knife sinks into my shoulder / Oh babe don’t know what I’m gonna do / I see my red head, messed bed, tear shed, queen bee / My squeeze / The stage it smells, tells, hell’s bells, miss-spells / Knocks me on my knees / It didn’t hurt, flirt, blood squirt, stuffed shirt / Hang me on a tree / After I count down, three rounds, in hell I’ll be in good company

Here we go, 3 songs. Because why not.

I hope everyone has a very good seasons greeting snap happy holidays. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum for santan doing his jolly jig across the sky. Blessings and happyiness and goonights to every person and not quite peoples.  ANd in case I don’t see you, have a good evening, good night and good new year.


I hurt myself today To see if I still feel / I focus on the pain, The only thing that’s real / The needle tears a hole, The old familiar sting / Try to kill it all away / but I remember everything / What have I become / My sweetest friend / Everyone I know goes away In the end / And you could have it all / My empire of dirt / I will let you down / I will make you hurt / I wear this crown of thorns / Upon my liar’s chair / Full of broken thoughts / I cannot repair / Beneath the stains of time / The feelings disappear / You are someone else / I am still right here / If I could start again / A million miles away / I would keep myself / I would find a way


if the big 4 did exist. if I was rapunsel. this would be my last song. for I no longer feel like singing stuff anymore. coocookachoo.

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