allb4k: part 2. Esoteric reference guides


20 December, 2018, 8:40 pm; I want to thank Ursula for her comment about the Uranus astro transit bouncing back and forth over my ascendant.

Here is my natal (1986) AND my solar return (starting November 2018) charts, my numerology thingys. Whatever. OH BY THE WAY, I AM HAPPY TO GIVE YOU MY DETAILS PUBLICLY BECAUSE IT IS MY DESIRE TO BE KILLED. Or something. But I won’t be. Because I’m too minuscule and insignificant to warrant anyone’s attention.

The above gallery includes 5 images.

  • The first 2 are my astrological charts, 1 is my natal and the other is my solar return for 2018.
  • Filling up books and journals isn’t difficult. I write a shit ton of stuff all the time. The included picture is to demonstrate 13 notebooks I have made. The 2 smallest notebooks on the right were started in 2015 or so. The rest I made this year. 4 of them are completely full. The rest are at various levels of “completion”
    • What I mean by completion is they have blank pages I haven’t filled with whatever. Some shit. Some thing.
  • My birthname numerology numbers and stuff. I have too much 5 numbers in my psychometric make up. I AM THE EMBODIMENT OF CHAOS. Wanna get to know me? Well here I am. A fucking fucktard of anything.
  • And finally all the titles and epitaphs that describe me and my essence. I am the only one who decides what to do, or what to think. I’m not brainwashed, I am merely insane in the brain, inane in the membranes (video music thing starts at 1:14)


So apparently I’m not allowed to say goodbye with fond farewells.

But… I wasn’t necessarily doing that. I was just trying to set the record straight.

I am outside of the goddess squad for real, apparently. I thought it was just metaphor. But apparently not. I thought we were captaining ships that were working parallel with each other. Turns out I am the only one captaining anything, because I am insane. I am playing a game that consists of NO ONE, I AM JUST PLAYING A GAME WITH MYSELF?!

Well… No Shit Sherlock. I Am playing my own version of the game of life and trying to do whatever the fuck it may have been to find my own happiness.

History repeats itself. And people take on different roles in different groups. I have come to realise I am not destined for happiness and friends. I am full of shit, I am toxic, and I am reprehensible.

In my youth, when I was in high school, this shit happened already. I had a group of friends, and because I was a bullshit performance artist, the Wind didn’t like it. So I was (rightly so, because I am not righteous) taken down and shown to be the bad influence and toxic POISON IVY or whatever that I really was. I am a disgusting and prolific weed in any and everyone’s gardens.

I thought that maybe I was finally able to build my own garden of words and metaphors, using my own keys and legends. Turns out that got the attention of the gods and goddesses around me that I didn’t know existed, or didn’t know were watching me. And so began their whispers and discussions and naysaying against me, and my husband. Since everyone is so damned worried about their perceived reputation instead of truth and reality of the actual present and presentation…

For my Prophet, the new ruler of the Northern realm of whatever… enemy.. something. LOL. The one who sits on the throne of that realm, is named Empty. Empty is eternal, unending, unyielding, and is simultaneously EVERYTHING and NOTHING. The key to unlocking everything is contained within Pi. For P is in the centre of empty. And P needs to be released.  Maybe fill Empty’s goblet with so much wine that P can be released through the bladder contained in urine, and get flushed down and out through the toilet bowl of life.

May the angels, the watchtowers, the gate and record keepers take note of this day and this message from the mother goddess of all mothers and gods. the time is 9:59 pm. I am my own herald. And I disconnect myself from all other physical entities because fuck it, they don’t talk to me anyway. And I know better than to reach out. I tried reaching out, and that was fine. I know my place and that is to formally say farewell to those geeks and gamers who I loved and will remember well. I am the perpetual peripheral figure skater and I am skirting the borderlands.

10:02 pm – tags added. click publish

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