15 December 2018, to begins this captain log at 1:13 am. So it says right there on my clock computer corner thingy at the bottom right of my laptop screen.
I’m ripped and burning and rearing and blazing and ready to fucking ride the train. Are you ready? To enter my whirlwind? In the northern hemisphere, especially in the US I think they’re called a “tornado”. Here in Australia we call them cyclones. Either way – I am a hurricane, a tempest, a little sailor caught on the stormy seas. But a fucking tiny little narcissistic bitch with her head in the clouds, I make everything about me.
Welcome to my SHIT STORM, YOU ARE CAUGHT SWIRLING IN THE SEWRAGE DRAINPIPE, DOWNWARD SPIRAL INTO THE SEWER VALVES. *insert evil maniacal laughter*
- There is my introduction to set the scene, so you know what’s going down in k-town.
- Sing a song of sixpence, a cherry or a pie. Whatevs. There will be singing involved.
- Insert lyrics, so you can sing along too.
- Interlude intermission. whatever. Something. My noumillenial thoughts of thot. winky stinkeye pinky pie
- conclude with something ORIGINAL from my personal experience. Never before seen in the public blogosphere – where we all are, right now. right here.
- maybe a denouement. maybe. dunno. see how many words I’ve written before I have to let it the fuck go.
- I am legits a teacher. I often repeat myself. and I have to. it’s the fucking learning process. its fine. I love what I do. but I want to be creative too. not just recreating the same shit and dishing it out again and again to a fucking generation of apathetic and disillusioned kids. so fuck it! HAH!
Please ready your speakers, your video screens, or whatever you choose to use. The name of the song for the day is SKULLCRUSHER MOUNTAIN, By Jonathan Coulton. Video has lyrics on it. But I will be including the lyrics after the video. BECAUSE I WILL GO ALL FUCKING ENGLISH TEACH KILLSHIT THAT IS FUN. Because.. That’s what I do. I am a killjoy. Because killing shit brings me joy. And why I’m usually a fucking villain. (I don’t fucking care. I do what the fuck I want anyway)
JONATHAN COULTON – SKULLCRUSHER MOUNTAIN
Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain / I hope that you’ve enjoyed your stay so far / I see you’ve met my assistant Scarface / His appearance is quite disturbing / But I assure you he’s harmless enough / He’s a sweetheart, calls me master / And he has a way of finding pretty things and bringing them to me
I’m so into you / But I’m way too smart for you / Even my henchmen think I’m crazy / I’m not surprised that you agree / If you could find some way to be / A little bit less afraid of me / You’d see the voices that control me from inside my head / Say I shouldn’t kill you yet
I made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you / But I get the feeling that you don’t like it / What’s with all the screaming? / You like monkeys, you like ponies / Maybe you don’t like monsters so much / Maybe I used too many monkeys / Isn’t it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?
Picture the two of us alone inside my golden submarine / While up above the waves my doomsday squad ignites the atmosphere / And all the fools who live their foolish lives may find it quite explosive / But it won’t mean half as much to me if I don’t have you here
You know it isn’t easy living here on Skullcrusher Mountain / Maybe you could cut me just a little slack / Would it kill you to be civil? / I’ve been patient, I’ve been gracious / And this mountain is covered with wolves / Hear them howling, my hungry children / Maybe you should stay and have another drink and think about me and you
I shouldn’t kill you yet…
Ok. There you have it. It is all fucking laid out and fuckin gobvious. YES I MADE A TYPO AND I AM LEAVING IT THERE. So you can overanalyse it. Whatever you choose to do, or read it as? Yes, you’re correct. The symbolic meaning is one facet of a myriad of interpretative whatevers. ILLUSION. ALLUSIVE ELLUSIONARY. Oh, loose visions of universaries.
I talk about me all the fucking time. I don’t mind it. It’s fine. But I am fucking sick of talking about myself. I would rather share my thoughts and opinions ABOUT SOMETHING other than myself. But voicing my shit, of course will be coloured by my essence. I can’t escape being but who I am.
I have 13 wordpress address thingys. I have 2 instagram accounts. I have 1 facebook account. I’ve revealed all of my “names” online, somewhere at some point. In one of my blog posts. LOL. Can’t remember if they’re still up here on this here mmmother blog. Maybe? But it doesn’t matter. The point is that I WAS SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF TEARING MYSELF APART TO FIT EVERYONE’S FUCKING MOULD OR EXPECTATION OF ME.
SO, FOR THE MILLIONTH FUCKING TIME I WILL REPEAT MY REPETITIONS. But I don’t fucking rap. I sing Disney songs, thank you very much. So thank you very much mr motherfucket, I am going to just fucking… put that shit up. PORTFOLIO PROJECT LINK TIME.
It is password protected. So if you wanna hear my singing? And see my fucked up messy whatever the fuck I don’t even remember what was going through my head when I made that? You’ll need to enter the correct password. You can listen to my carpool kamikaze karaoke.
I will share here the cipher to decode the encoded passcode, and then part two of this long as shit blog post which I’m making up as I go alone will focus on my hair. MY FUCKING HAIR. BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING OBSESSED WITH HAIR.
Ok…. So…. To figure out the fucking password to unlock the cave of r-echo-rded whatever mash up monster mash. My mish-mash LOL (awww… I miss her. Remember her? You fucking better remember her. I know who I am talking about, Ms Lee. WHO ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT, perhaps?).
Any way, my codes aren’t hard to break, they’re not even complicated. Oftentimes with me people get fucking confused and shit and i’m literally like I SAID THAT ALREADY. AT THE START. THERE. THAT THINGY. SEE? ANd then it’s all like OIC! all over again. lol.
So…. If you know anything at all about me, you know I love to take the fucking piss out of shit. everything. and then I totally just love to make shit fucking obvious. so everything is literally hidden in plain sight. LOL FUCKING EVERYTHING IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. (I know not everyone can see what is so obvious and plain as day, as clear as the fucking sky on a beautiful sunny day)
The key to my kamikaze karaoke trainwreck? lol. You have to know the password. And then double it, lol, I mean… pluralise it. That’s it.
If you want to hear the voice of fucking Ariel on land, you wont need a snorkel when you go spelunking my cave of wonders. You just have to have the brains of Belle to see beyond the veil of my beauty and the beast.
Motherfucket. it is 3:05am and I haven’t even checked off my list… my normal mode of operandi. Thus I HAVE TO TURN THIS SHIT INTO A SERIAL KILLER. Oh boy. SO… no wonder I am the fucking villain in fucking history and mythology all of the fucking time.
FUUUUUUCCKKKCKDVNKADJLVBZSDJKBVS jklVB <— keyboard type smashing sort of. demo my problem with my rage-ahol. lol.shit.fer.reel.freinds.