The Real Deal

Good morning, baby.

It is almost 6am, 30th November, and I wanted to write something just in case I don’t have the chance to update something here later on today. You know how it is, right? What I’m like? Soooo super sensitive to the movements and requirements and requests and implied implications of everyone around me as I try to move on and through my day.

I love to sing this song. And I totally sing both parts myself in the shower. HAHA. I am such a friggen dork, I always sing every part myself in every song. Even if I can’t sing at all! It’s fun, and it makes me happy. I love to give it a go.

Bic Runga & Dan Wilson – Good Morning Baby

Between an overload of information / And a striving for a pure dedication / I find myself looking for the exit sign / See your pretty face in the sunshine / In the morning after staying up all night / I want to wake you just to hear you tell me it’s alright / And all I want to be is too much sometimes for me

Good morning, baby I hope I’m gonna make it through another day

I see the stars and all the planets / Fly the great wide world and have it all /
Yeah, I better get a ticket, better get in line / I’m praying now for beautiful weather / Take a car and drive forever but I’m / Only ever sitting at the traffic light / And all the world to see is too much sometimes for me

Good morning, baby I hope I’m gonna make it through another day

(And when you rise) And when you rise you’ll find me here (Open your eyes) And see myself reflected there (And for awhile) A little room becomes an everywhere



It is pretty fucking evident I am a super dorkus-malorkus, lovable, affable hard-core pawn when it comes to stuff. SUPER FAN GIRL, is basically my stupid super power which sucks balls because I would much rather have something that did cool stuff. I do have a superhero alter-ego, Vortexia, but this blog is not about fiction but about FACTS (so far. fuck I hate facts. I prefer truth. Truth is actually real, facts are the same as fiction. A little TRUTHISM lol for my dictionary. one day.)

Everybody loves facts. Heck, me too. I love facts. Figures and form and forces and freedom and feelings and fun and flips and fields (of fucks), there is so much love in me to GIVE GIVE GIVE. Thus why I have to write, and share it all, to give it out to you. To show you. Stuff.


I am Rapunzel. I don’t care that my physical face and shit doesn’t look like that. I am not blonde, nor am I German, and my hair will never grow that long no matter how much I try to grow it out. My hair stops at the middle of my back and… that’s it. It doesn’t grow longer than that at all, ever.

I love mash ups and cross overs between fandoms because then it’s like you get to grab the best characters and see what shenanigans they get up to together. This year has been my year, and I am fucking loving it. I have always loved the Big 4 (Rapunzel, Hiccup, Merida and Jack) like seriously, these guys are my DREAM TEAM. I kinda wanna swoon right now, I have a fucking idiotic smirk on my face.


I name stuff, I group stuff, I am a neurotic psychotic control freak. I love to imagine my friends and I as various characters that I see in pop culture, I like to figure out who is whom, our roles and dynamics, and how we best fit together. It’s referential reverence and reflexive reflections. I know who I am in all of my fandoms, and mythological and legendary kingdoms and my the known emanations. I can spot me from a mile off, and I try to figure out where my friends and family are too, because we’re way too awesome and larger than life to be contained in merely one life.

And 2018? I found the Big 4. No no no, the drawings and fanbase existed before 2018 and I new of the Big 4 AS FICTIONAL FUN for many years. But this year… WTF I FOUND THE REST OF MY SQUAD?! I am freaking the fuckery out. And I am LOVING IT.

  • I found Hiccup. He is fucking just LIKE ME. Yeah he’s missing parts but that’s just a physical display of his ingenious and bravery.
  • I found Jack Frost. Too cool for summer, he too likes to just have fun. A bit on the cold side for he’s brand spanking new, he hasn’t exactly developed his VISIBLE PHYSICAL FORM because he’s still in the shadows of his memories. I hope he can let go and accept the past is the past, and letting go of the pain isn’t a disrespect to the memory of the dead.
  • I found Merida. The Scottish bitch who is really the fucking best. Fiery, fiesty, a force that has form. My partner in crime since the beginning of time, I finally found my valkyrie. (I am fucking smiling like a dickhead and it is super embarrassing).


OMG I JUST WANNA DO ALL THE THINGS! Share all of our adventures. I want to fucking just grab the 3 of them and fucking just… be real. I want it to be real. I want to make our own shit and just.. not just consume. I am tired of living vicariously through ficticious formations and trying to find whenere I fit. I have never been talented enough to CREATE and SHOW PEOPLE the way it really is. You know in writing how you should SHOW NOT TELL? I’m just a talker. I’m all about testifying the truth and telling it like it is. If I am to show shit? I dunno, I shimmy and shake and SING the songs in my head and in my heart. It’d be great if they were original songs though, or original stories. Not necessarily unique because “everyone is a special little snowflake fragile flower”. But original as in it was made by the 4 of us. Or.. the 3 of them. I dunno. I don’t know how to make anything beautiful or worthwhile. I only make connections, I build foundations and roads and paths. I’m a map-maker.

Or rather, I’m a world weaver.


I’m a yellow brick road, a lane way, a path through the woods that leads you to where you seek to go. I am a fortress. I am a seneschal. I can protect you, assist you, guide you, send you on your way.

This is my fortress, Modern Mystic Mother. In the future she will be mobile, she will be Moira, she’ll be a leviathan in the sky. But before she gets there, she has to become mechanised. Which the fucking prophetic movie Mortal Engines (2018) will show me. Fucking hell. It’s okay. I love stuff, and it’s another form of the force that is me and my life. But… I wanted to be the one to tell me life and perspective, you know? SO.. We’ll call it a prophecy in my bible. And see how much shit I need to set straight because theyd have gotten it wrong again.

The Big 4. LOL. Need to come up with a better name, but I’m sharing you the name that I found us under. Maybe if you’re interested you can follow the breadcrumbs and retrace our steps (we haven’t always walked together, it’s okay to follow your own tangents)

Shit balls. 7:09am. Got work as a PE teacher today. I love you guys. My 3. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK we were just but a TRINITY a few days ago. I am just… blown away. We’ve formed a tetramorph, like the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. OMG… that means… oh fuck. There are more of us, aren’t there? Oh shit fuck. I mean… YAY. I AM VERY EXCITED but I wanted to make our band. Or.. MY band… lol. I know. I’m selfish.

It’s ok. I’ll put this dream down away and pick up my kit. I’m on it, on my way, AGAIN. Hah, fucking hell. I am a weapon and I must wield myself, and search for the other forgotten & fallen and bring them back here.


Really, it is fine. If I don’t set myself on fire, they’ll never fucking find me. They are stupid and blind. I have to be blatantly obvious and undeniable as the pillar of fire in the abrahamic bible.

47 replies »

        • Dude, fucking righteous. Bill and Ted’s excellent adventure! RIGHTEOUS!
          Dude, where’s my star? An adventure of Kimalita on her road to nowhere. Searching for the clues of where she left her car. Carpool karaoke, singing songs, picking up hitchhikers through the galaxy, sharing pictures of psychedelic psychiatric memories, smoking, drinking, laughing, playing, speaking, dreaming, camping, being. I drive a Jeep (yeah, he bought me a jeep?! lol). I know where that fucker is parked. I’m talking about my starship from Farscape.
          MMM is my digitalised moira, and I am her pilot. This is the captain speaking, but I don’t have tentacles expanding and touching all these buttons, fiddles, pedals and keys. I stretch too far and feel I might break. I feel like this is killing me, and it might be killing me softly. Diabetes is a fucking shit kicker that reminds me of my finite mortality. FUCK FUCK FUCK. no, not a duck. although their genitals are shaped like a corkscrew. it’s through the reproductive system I found my way in and out, shaken not stirred, sublimated all throughout.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Omg I had a car accident the other year (2016). And… I shouldn’t share the pictures. But my jeep? Tis but a scratch. The other car (who rammed into me from behind) was a total write off! Absolutely crumpled and crumbled despite their scruples.
          You don’t have to be a hood ornament on my vehicular manslaughtering rampage campaign. But a man’s laughter is required to dispel the appeal of the apparent “lone men walking away” boo hoo hanging tail exodus.
          You may be my side show bob to this krusty klown. Hmmm… ok. Get under my jeep and I’ll drive this baby over the bodies of my enemies, and the rumble thunder of the rabble gravel can be a nice relieving massage, or scratch to your out of reach itch.

          Liked by 1 person

        • I hear ya. My last accident we were lucky to walk out unscathed. My Volkswagen was pancaked. I feinted at the wheel on the pink moon, for no reason ever discovered. I was in the hospital all night. I can only say that something was watching over us. The nearest I can describe the power was….. Kwan Yin.

          Liked by 1 person

        • That is another name that I discovered this year. I know that I didn’t do that because I have no super powers, but I do know which names speak to me, or of me, which ones are my nouns whether it be common, abstract or pro nouns.
          But yes. Love and compassion and sounds like something I would do. I am an efficient and cut throat selfish bitch. I imagine mother mercy saying “nope you fucking don’t. Not yet, bitch. You can die when I say you can”. And sending you back in your body and diverting the fucking thing from actually killing you. Because I wouldn’t let you forget how close you were to being dead. Cement that shit into your brain.

          Liked by 1 person

        • For sure. Was on the full moon too. Libra. A few years back. Was another fork stuck in the road.
          How would that be… if people were sticking forks in roads…
          About to go to an art exhibition… it will be the annual stock take of seeing who has had a breakdown in the last year and who is any closer to authentication of an alien story

          Liked by 1 person

        • Now that is quite.. hm.. it truly presses and stresses some… fucking… feelings into me. Libran full moon, forks, roads, pink Floyd, bricks, walls… I just breathe… I need to breathe… slowing down is impossible I must calm myself in my new high speed… head phones in, music on, close my eyes and fucking just dance…
          Enjoy the art show. Can’t wait to hear the glossy Teflon coated tales of psychonautical ideations from the deep. Have a good night. Xx
          From the girl who loves rock shows.

          Liked by 1 person

        • You’re right. Interesting night. Glad to be in the apartment and able to work. The night is getting pretty mad outside. Half moon was the time of the judge in some old gaming material I worked on. Good old gothic punk.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Orvillewrong scribbled a reply to my share in the arena of black and white and grey shades in judgments. And I responded that it is not egg on my face but the grey face I was named by the canteen lady.
          Tell me of gothic punk? Is this like the steam punk?

          Liked by 1 person

        • After high noon it is easier for me to be dumb. Not like a nail gun could get through my skull or anyone in this supposedly tough part of town has the guts to tell me if they don’t like me.
          I have the cat to thank x


        • The cat in the hat in your heart or your back? I once was a cat, but not with a c. I was kit kat and a gymnast back in those days. I should go back to doing yoga again. My upper back and shoulders, and my spine have been begging me to push and pull the limits again. I remember she anesthesiologist asked me if I rode horsies. Fucking HORSIES like I was a kid or something. No. I only pretend to ride fantastical creatures.
          Cheyenne was a good cat. She still has your back.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Yep. As long as you are able to be where you are right now and take some good breaths for yourself. We forget to stand back from ourselves and just be conscious for a few seconds of our breathing and the simplicity of our good fortune

          Liked by 1 person

        • I express gratitude so much. It is actually quite funny. Your words here repeat words I heard approximately 3pm or so when I was at the shops. It was something like… looking around you and releasing every gift you already have. I smiled when I heard it because it radiated what I was saying to a student in last period. LOL

          Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you… But I dunno. I dunno what style my voice is suited for. I feel like I sound really deep. Well an alto or mezzo soprano anyway. And I don’t do any growls or whatever. Basically the songs my voice can sing is not really the music I listen to at all. That’s why I should do BROADWAY or STAGE THEATRE because then I can totally break out into song at random times and it doesn’t fucking matter how I sound because it all how you can sell it, you know? Own the shit out of the performance and role.
      Like I can’t even remember the name of the musical I was in at school… But it was written by history’s head teacher treasure. And it was all Beatles songs. And I was Anna, the shallow hottie who sang to Boss that he could drive her car because she was gonna be a star. Haha.
      But.. yeah, I dunno.. I feel like i sound shit. Especially recorded. I plan on buying a microphone to do podcasts and stuff. And who knows. Maybe sing into it too if I can get the band up and running.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. November has always been a fucking full on month of everything. I began thing I named November party in honour of the 7 special occasions in the 11/12 day period between the the birthday of my mother in law and my birthday on the 15th.
    Today is the end of Movember and I took the commemorative photo of the men and their mo’s. As I approached (I was just on my way past) James said unto Matthew that I was an excellent photographer. I laughed and said sure, why not. The 5 of them lined up in a row (they were missing 2 more but today they just weren’t there), I lined them up in my sight, and I shot them. I said it was done, and they seemed a bit hesitant and asked if it was good. I said they are all in it but they can fuss over their facial expressions and hair if they wanted to and laughed. I captured their image in 1 shot. I don’t know what more did they want? I bade my farewell and went on my way.
    I miss hanging out with Joshua, the is the chaplain here in this place.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Haha. Oh don’t tell me about half moons. I was.. I just wrote on a word document my lamentation of being the half moon grey face. I cannot turn to look beside me anymore. I can only face ahead. If I take my eyes away from earth for even a second the people scorn me that I have abandoned them. I can only see in one direction at a time. And if I am to act, I have but 2 arms and their range of motion is fine, but the dexterity needed for fine fingered finesse takes concentration. I am angry and sad and frustrated in this matter. Disappointed. And yet I am at fault.


  2. Safe inside my… 4H. Must be schoolies renting places here for air bnb. Nothing like having every wave taken by hodads. Hopefully there won’t be any incidents or injuries overnight. One idiot threw a cat off the 21st floor once. Some people with too much money and too little experience… will probably one day write the great Australian novel…. cat! Dog… hot rod

    Liked by 1 person

    • Catdog! Catdog… reminds me of angry beavers. And ford fairlane. LOL fnord or fjord? Either way, I’m a capable driver. Rally was always my favourite races. Never participated in those but I think it is the noblest of deeds for one must have a tight relationship built on trust and capability. The navigator and the driver across the landscape, through the trees, over water, eyes out ahead anticipating the hazards beyond what they can see.
      I remember I was hosting a party and had to leave before it began (the party continued ahead as planned, in my house without me lol) Because I was called to drive out, locate, rescue and retrieve the men and the children from their bogged and sunken rover. I bought food and drinks to refresh their appetites, however the directions I was given were wrong. Because idiots. I got stuck in the mud, unstuck myself, scout and ranger scouring the woodlands from Lithgow to zig zag and back again. Hailed bikers who tried to help so I followed them through dirt bike terrain and down a mudslide they rode. I had to stop at the edge and looked down the hillside. The biker dismounted and placed his hands on his helmet, he realised his mistake for I could not follow his trail with my steed. I threw caution to the wind and fuck it, I hit pedal to the metal and over the edge I drove and down the slide, belly first, wheels spinning air. I lost a piece or two but it was liberating to fuck off that fear. Eventually I located the sodden group, gave them my car and caught a ride home with my brother in law. Later that evening when the party returned home they told me that they received standing ovation from the bikies as they emerged from the woods in my car. They stopped and waved and chatted, to which it was exclaimed I can fucking drive like no one else, apparently.
      The flying cat from the 21st floor? Arsehole fucker. What a dick weed. Maybe cats on a hot tin roof, but no need to throw them from one to the other.
      Schoolies is stupid.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: