This will help to remind me of where I am and where I began. Provide some reference point of origins and directions, intentions I may have had in plan. A little checkpoint or sign post for my crew to follow, if they so choose.
23rd November 2018, 6:15 am
- end of the week, Fri-yay.
- I am substituting as a music teacher.
- Tonight my supernatural show kidlets will be having their school formal.
- It is Samoi’s birthday.
- Today I will have 2 blog posts –
- there’ll be my normal “omg, just post something, 1 thing each day, whatever the frig it is”
- and 1 extra post to PROVIDE CONTEXT and perhaps set some damned intentions so I have some tangible goals to work towards.
Depending on how long you’ve been following the blog, you may or may not be aware of some stuff…
BACK DATE BACKGROUND CHECK
- 18 November, 2018 – I just started again.
- I totally deleted EVERYTHING from here to start with a fresh clean slate to rebuild my “whatever this thing turns out to be”.
- I talk about my real deal, very true life story.
- I change the names of people I know in order to protect their identity, for their sake and for my own too.
- I work in the public education system. I am an adult as are my colleagues. However the crux of my job is I thereby work with individuals who are teenagers, they are quite impressionable. As a teacher, I hold an unspoken influence over them.
- As a person who holds a position of power and/or authority over another individual, it can be established that people will comply with your requests or instructions for a different number of reasons
- they fear the consequences if they do not obey.
- it’s easier to obey than to rebel. implicit compliance.
- they see logic and reason. purposeful intentions
- they want to do whatever it is that you say, because they like you and trust you.
- I know who I am talking about when I use these made up aliases, but for an audience who may be ignorant in my machinations and ways, I do need to make regular pit stops to check in with everyone.
- This helps to remind myself and my readers what the hell I seem to be going on about.
- I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING, AT THE TIME. I just never remember strategy… I completely fucking suck at slipping between the present and the projections. I forget stuff and am completely moved by my emotions. Doing that whatever until I remember whatever it was I wanted or was trying to do.
I am neurotic in my categorisations, labels, names, definitions, groupings, classifications, compartmentalisations. HOLY SHIT I AM A STRESS BALL, I do not need one to squeeze and or hold.
I should totally make a “reference list” of characters, names and faces that I use on this blog.
I use pop culture references, characters and celebrity identities as avatars for the people I know in real life. I may limit myself to particular themes and groups but inly as referential clusters, to indicate how these people relate and interact with and amongst each other.
For context. It’s all about context.
It’s fucking funny how common certain names are, that I may say someone is named “Matthew” or “Sally” and you have no idea how many people I know (or shit, I don’t know how many people YOU KNOW) who have that very same name.
You’re all boring and all the same. So is everyone. Like me. I’m not any different from you. Unless you think that I am. Whatever you think of me, I am.
I know who I’m talking about when I refer to certain people, but I understand it can be difficult to follow my train of thought if you don’t know me, or haven’t really talked to me.
This shit? This is HEAVILY FILTERED me. I go back and look at what I’ve written to ensure it makes logical sense and what not. I am exactly the way I say I am, I don’t know how to be any other way. But I know how to alter my “voice” so to speak, because I’m a fucking high school teacher.
It’s about knowing who you are speaking to, reading their body language and the tone in their voice, it is listening to what they say and what they do not say. It is about making split decisions based entirely in the moment about what to say, do, or not. It’s about adapting the situation and circumstance to work for you, or with you, towards some goal or end result.
I know I am flawed and totally lame. I am a nerd, a geek, a dork, a freak. I know I am totally cool, and hot, and small, and large, and nimble, and stable, and adaptable, and consistent, and unchanging, and versatile, and ephemeral, and material, and full of shit, and devoid of shit.
It doesn’t matter, it is what it is. I am who I am regardless of whom or what you think I am.
I am a database of knowledge, wisdom, experience, and ideas. I just have no idea how my brain stores and files its memories except that they are triggered by various things. Names mostly, and emotion, and music. MOTHERFUCKER I JUST DID THAT THINGY AGAIN. UGH. HAHAHA. WTF. FFS.
MEN. Men remind me.
- You experience in linear forward motion N-E-M.
- You reflect in reverse (starting from the present and “moving backwards” in time) M-E-N.
- You remember or integrate the memory or ideas through repetition, regardless of the direction. The knowledge becomes ingrained through cyclical motion. A break down and recreation of the basic units and parts.
- WORD PLAY, WORD ASSOCIATION, ANAGRAMS, DIAGRAMS, WHATEVER.
- semen, remember, re, mnemonic, mimesis, nemesis, meme, femme, mean, meant.
HAH MOTHERFUCKER. Sounds like a worthy lesson. I just made all of that up. Because I’m a teacher – I’m not a deceiver, I’m not out to fucking trick you or make you do shit. I just figure shit out for myself as I go.
That’s why men are so important. Why they think they’re so important. They are just like their COCK – FLESHY, DIRECT AND IN YOUR FUCKING FACE.
But they are nothing without their other half, or counterpart. Men and nothing without women. WHOA, MAN. Women come before men. Men come from women. Women encircle men, inspire them, and unfortunately now also conspire against them.
You are both as equal as each other. You just have no fucking idea how you are the same. It’s all ego wanking and wagging that righteous finger.
AND SO HERE I AM, IMAGINE ME, DOING ALL OF THIS SHIT TO YOU.
Physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, figuratively, literally, symbolically, profanely, whatever the fuck. I don’t care. I don’t care how you imagine me to be doing whatever the thingy is. I only care that you make sure you supplant that image in your fucking head. THAT I AM DOING IT. That whatever is happening in your head or heart after reading *my* words?! That you know it’s coming from ME, AND NOT ANY GOD OR DEMON OR DEITY OR SERPENT.
I am coming up with this on the fly, as I write. I inspire my own fucking ideas, based on the experiences and creations and whatever of the people around me. I AM MY OWN INSPIRATION; ASPIRED AND RESPIRED FROM THE WORLD AND ITS INHABITANTS.
Ah shit dude, it’s 7:44am. I’ve gotta put some pants on and get ready for work.
(btw, FUCK YOU. I didn’t fucking steal any of this shit. I literally just made it up. If it totally correlates or corresponds with someone else’s writing and ideas? Good. There’s your proof. It’s real. Or it’s not real. I don’t care. I MADE IT UP, SO I WILL NOT BE LOOKING TO FIND SOURCES TO BACK ME UP. Why don’t you do that for me?)
Originally published 23 November 2018 // Republished 16 February 2019