Mundane trite

PSA: Grumpy Red Fairy is grumpy

20181110_1819414012986506127882672.jpgPEW-PEW ∝‡≡≡››-  –  –

(Psychic Empathic Wisdom from Pictures & Energy & WordsOf course you want your tarot read by me. I’m shooting lasers. It’s ancient wisdom delivered in a futuristic (contemporary) way.

Card #8 Grumpy Red Fairy:

Be your true self!

Allow me to share my initial reaction to drawing this card. Because it’s important to acknowledge the first impression, but then to not dismiss it because once we get past the first impressions of stuff we can then move past it and learn from it.

MY FIRST IMPRESSION (I wrote this in a private blog sphere I share with my nearest and dearest): Isn’t that hilarious??? I think I totally am a fucking grumpy red fairy… Lol I mean it’s my favourite colour, and I’ve been told that I’m too cute to be taken seriously (whenever I’ve gotten angry, people tend to think it’s cute and laugh at me). Yeah, I make people laugh because I’m too small to be threatening.

MY INTERPRETATION (without having read the information guide in the booklet. my immediate thoughts related to the card) Why I am the grumpy red fairy.

I immediately thought of this card as relating to me. Very specifically me. Why? Because of the name of the card, the message at the bottom of the card, and her red streaks in her hair. This card made me think of myself and who I am, what I used to look like when I was in school – specifically 1999, when I was in year 7, I was the first person at school to dye my hair weird. Legit. I remember this guy Dick (pseudonym. I know who he is. you don’t have to know who his real name) coming up to me in the playground and saying he wanted to shake hands with the girl who had the coolest hair in school.

I know it’s not that weird or outrageous or unique NOW. Everybody does that shit. I wasn’t even the first person to dye my hair with coloured streaks. I just… didn’t want “highlights” and “foils” like everyone else. I talked to the hair dresser and she said “so you want all of the foils just here, at the front?” And I’m like.. yeah… did I fucking stutter? (I did not say that to her, I just thought it. But I did confirm in the positive).

This card also reminds me of myself because of my size and the reactions people have to me when I get angry. Or at least the way they used to react. It depends… if I;m angry because I’m annoyed, or if I’m angry because I am fucking livid and furious and rage-machining. So the people who laugh at me when I’m angry? My ex Dave, and my husband Jain.

When I’m angry or grumpy I have a little tantrum. I jump up and down on the spot and throw my body around because I dunno… I’m just annoying. I make all sorts of sound effects to the lines of “ugh. argh! pfft. eegh. zuuh. pssh. rrraahh.”

Dave: Aww.. Does K wanna cookie?

K: NO! I DONT WANT A COOKIE! I’M ANGRY! CAN’T YOU TELL? WHY DON’T YOU FEAR ME!?!

Jain: Aww, maybe you want a nap nap?

K: FEAR ME! I AM WRATH!

(quotes real, conversation not. combined the two different exchanges here to demonstrate, and for entertainment purposes)

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WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOU, THE PERSON WHO IS NOT ME.

The whole New Moon Scorpio thingy, that just screams “change, transformation” and rah rah stuff. Change is happening. And It’s happening because I have the fucking shits and am no longer able to support the status quo. My husband has said that he has never met anyone who is comfortable with the status quo as I am. I love being comfortable and just doing whatever the hell because it suits me. I do whatever is easiest at the time. And right now? *THIS SHIT* IS NOT EASY. I CANNOT CONTINUE LIVING THIS WAY SO I AM RAGE-A-HAULING MY LIFE STORY ONTO THE INTERNET TO TELL YOU ALL HOW TO LIVE AND LOVE AND THINK FOR YOUR-FUCKING-SELF.

Seriously. Live FOR YOU. Love You. Be you. You do you. Do that thing that you love to do. Be who you are. Do that thing that you do. It will be fine. You will be fine. Everything will be fine. Get your damn ego out of the way.

You know how I know that? Because I am a rebel. Nope, I don’t dress like one, I don’t look like one, I don’t necessarily sound like one. It doesn’t matter. Because I know what I’m like in my own heart of hearts. I REBEL. Against everything and anything. I do my own thing. I seek teachers and guides and other people for advice, and try out their way, and if it works that’s great and if it doesn’t, that’s fine. I THINK FOR MYSELF. I adapt to my surroundings. I like to fit in, but I don’t like to conform to be a clone of others.

I did stuff my own way and I lived. I didn’t have anything really, absolutely terrible, happen to make me doubt myself. I have lived a rather fortunate life because of the hard work of my parents trying to build a life for themselves in a country that was not a home country for either of them. I am fortunate because I am loved and supported by people around me. The only near death experiences I may or may not have had were because I was depressed and lonely and sad and felt… just… unloved. Yeah my family loved me, but family have to love you. It was friends who choose to love you. And I had like… no friends. I had one friend. I never made friends easily. I was too.. weird in the head. But that’s fine. That’s not what this is about.

You are in control of your own reality and your own life. We are all here and just exist as best we can. You have to be you. You have to know who you are on the inside and not worry about what others think of you because of your “outside”

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Cute little monster thingy by artists Anya Stensenko and Slava Leontyev.

That’s what I look like. Or what I think I look like. It’s what I feel I look like on the inside. It’s not what I look on the outside, I’m not blind or suffer hallucinations. I know what I look like when I look in the mirror. But what I see on the outside is not what I feel on the side. On the inside I feel like a monster, an ugly little creature who people just… think its cute, but they never stick around long enough. They “get hurt” with my words or if my actions are inconsistent with their expectations.

Why I don’t feel worthy of anything. People like my words, or they like my face. Or they hate my face and the words that I say. I don’t really know what’s what when it comes to people and why they act so… inconsistent from what they say. I always support honest and upfront communication. Say it for what it is. Be honest and true. Say what you mean and also mean what you say. You’re allowed to change your mind and stuff, but you need to let others know when things have changed, too.

CONCLUSION TIME

And I never really read the information in the book, nor did I talk about the significance of fairies or the colour red or the number 8 or… anything really. I just wanted to bust my guts up and yell at everyone some more.

You should totally fucking get your tarot or whatever shit read by me. Maybe you’ll learn something. Maybe you won’t. But… I tell ya, This is me talking about shit about a single mother fucking card. And I didn’t “read” it. I reacted to it. I responded to the card by doing what I think it says to me. And the message is the same as for you.

Have some conversations, man. Have some common sense, dude. Get an education, mother fucker. Nothing wrong with mother fucking, I’m a mother and I love to fuck.

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just as I finished typing my thingy, my mate showed this to me. And I love it!

B: “I can just send this to you.”

K: “nah, I have to take a picture. Because this is real life. the signs are all around us and this isn’t just some shit I found previously. This is happening in real life, and its just the perfect fucking timing.”

B: “I see. You’ve even written the word “fuck” like 3 times in that sentence.”

K: “FUCK YEAH! IT’S THE FUCKENING! SEE? HAHAHAHAHA!”

Shit just always works out in my favour. FOR ME. BECAUSE I AM GLORIOUS AND FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!

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