This is a tough one, especially for anyone out there struggling with mental illness. Whether you’re just coming to grips with your issues, or in the throngs of recovery, I’m sure you, like myself, sometimes struggle with the guilt and shame of knowing you’ve hurt people in the past. So many times we did these […]
Much like last week I shared a thingy by Maxy Max. And today I am sharing this thingy by Andy. Andy’s message in this post is a reflection of what I want to teach everyone. Some shit you just have to let go, because ..
you don’t know what you don’t know.
I wish it was that simple though. Because in a normal situation sure, you can’t be blamed for everything. But in my profession, in teaching high school? Not knowing something isn’t good enough! And I’m not talking about the ignorance of youth. I’m talking about being a fucking teacher.
Earlier this year, that kind of lead my mental sky rocket to crash on earth… A kid was choked to unconsciousness in my classroom. It wasn’t violent or malicious. It was two stupid kids who wanted to know what it felt like to do that. I didn’t notice it happen at all because I was helping a student draw up a tech sketch for his magazine rack design, but the picture was on his phone and it kept going dim after like 10 seconds or whatever so I had to keep touching the screen to keep it active to see.
“It takes 37 seconds for someone to black out unconscious. That’s a long time.”
“It’s not a long time when you’re actually doing something!”
“You should be more vigilant.”
“In my peripherals, there weren’t any sudden movements or anything. How was I to know that standing there means they’re choking each other out. They’re friends, they often have an arm around someone’s shoulder.”
It was in the last 5-10 minutes of the lesson. I noticed when kids were reacting like “whoa!” So I checked it out. Kid was on the floor. I’m like “wtf?!” No one said what had happened, the kid got a drink. And then spent the next half hour on detention with me for not doing his work. Even the head teacher didn’t think there was anything super dooper out of the ordinary. Just “oh shit, is he ok? ok.”
But turns out he went to hospital later that afternoon vomiting. And I was investigated for not doing my job correctly. I was found to have acted in misconduct and had a warning against my name for it. FOR NOT DOING MORE ABOUT SOMETHING I DIDN’T KNOW. What was I supposed to have done? Kept micro-records of each student and their movements. Because a kid was on the floor. I didn’t write that he was on the floor. Because these kids, they’re wherever they shouldn’t be for a bunch of different reasons, most of the time. Standing on a chair, lying under a table, on a table, on another student. I’m trying to teach them stuff, I’m not big brother. I’m not recording bullshit admin crap. The subject was timber technology, not english or history. Kids move around the workshop for a variety of reasons. I’m not surveiling them as a hawk and recording everything that they do. That’s crap. I’m trying to help them learn how to do things.
But fuck it, right? Just do your job. Exactly what it’s supposed to be by the paper. By the book.
Because the textbook is the be all and end all guide to how to fucking do everything, every time. Right?
What happens when the textbook is out of date? Or wrong? Maybe it’s the wrong textbook for that particular subject?
I’m not wasting my time fact checking and finding the correct single data source for shit. I know how to research. Kids don’t know how to research. They think researching is typing the question per verbatim into google. If it doesn’t come up with the answer straight away, its “it doesn’t say” or “i don’t know.” BECAUSE READING IS TOO FUCKING HARD. Some kids really struggle with literacy. Other kids are damn fucking lazy. So what the fuck am I supposed to do, right?
Do I just tell them the fucking answer? Or do I try to teach them how to find the answer?
FOR FUCK SAKE.
This is what makes me fucking angry. It’s easier to just ask the question, own up to your shit, and then work through that shit. But people refuse to own up to their shit, face it, or name or, or even recognise that they are full of shit themselves.
I AM NOT FULL OF SHIT. MY SHIT IS ALL SPREAD OVER THIS WEBSITE. MY WEBSITE IS MADE OF MY SHIT. WE ARE INSIDE MY SHIT.
I make shit up. I make shit up as I go along because I don’t know what else to do. I’m just doing. And getting on with my fucking life. I’ve had to deal with everyone’s bullshit perceptions of me my whole life, but no.. I was the only one to ever blame for any fucking thing.
There was this one chick, (my ultimate nemesis I hate her and will never forgive her), she called up the parents of some of our mutual friends and would warn them about me being a bad influence or something. Like dude, WTF? One of my friends told me about it…
Categories: Mundane trite