Idylls

I will set fire to the glen

This place? No… fucking places like my place… I know fucking lands… And I can fucking navigate maps and shit.. I am an expert fucking navigator of the sublime..

I will find this particular valley and they will no longer be able to fucking hide behind beautiful hills and seductive slopes and serpentine sinew and flesh…

I will scream like the banshee that I know i contain and I will set fire to the land to hunt his domain. I will excavate the earth with explosives and war, to find his bones or his hidey hole. I will steam roll him flat and iron his smooth and hang him from the trees with a piano wire noose.

I fucking hate and hate and hate and hate what he has done to you. I hate and hate and rage and scream and cry and… what the fuck did I even do? I wasn’t there for you… I didn’t know. I was complicit. I was compliant. I was… ignorant and idiotic and… feel partially to blame.

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so very sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry… I hurt I hurt I hurt I hurt… I’m so sorry… I’m sorry… i should have been there to protect you. I was good at that. I thought I was anyway… I tried to protect you as best I could.

I thought your home was good. Like my home was good. Why did I throw you back to be protected by the hungry and ravenous wolf… when wolves where I am from they love their own, they are fiercely loyal to the ones they call home… And… I don’t understand… what the fuck is wrong with this land? Why am I here when it’s all fucking backwards and queer?

I love the queer because it’s new and fun.. And… with them I felt I belonged… But… i dont know what to do… I want to help you… I want to hold you… I want to cry with you… I want to kill for you… I will kill for you… I will murder for you… blood is a sweet release but please don’t spill your own.

I will find a new sacrifice and we can slice and dice, holding hands on the hilt of the knife and you don’t have to look I will push down for you and smile. Look we can pretend this is him for a while. Look at me I’ll cut him with glee. I don’t care what I’m cutting and killing because it makes me happy.

I want to make you happy. Will this suffice? At least until we can get a new sacrifice. I love you. Please don’t be scared. Don’t run away. I don’t know how else to tell you I love you… I would do this for you. To show you.. I… Don’t know…. It’s weird.. I know… I’m sorry… But… Please don’t go

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