Holy shit what a whirlwind

October starts in 28 minutes. This has been an unrelenting few months, heck, I barely recall the exact timeline of everything… I think I’ve been saying “for the past 6 months” to everyone, in relation to everything, all year long. Hahaha. I have no idea.

What I do know is that I still gave myself a deadline of November 18 to “finish” and I could “let go” and know that whatever it was I let go of would be done.

I hate this. I hate talking in such… empty words. Let go of something. Finish something. Do something. But what is that “something?” Oh that’s easy, it’s nothing. What? It’s anything. WTF? It’s EVERYTHING! I would punch me in the face about now if I was that way inclined. (Which I’m not. I never carry out violence myself)

I have somewhat tried to formulate goals for October, at least for this blog. Or some sort of game plan anyway. If I could just put it on a list, and refer to it and check it off as I go… Have a specific focus for every week so I hope I can just attack all areas to make sure they’re covered and then I can spend November refining and continuing on.

  1. Forget about other people. Just yell. Get it all out there. Get it out of the system. You can’t think clearly with all the chatter. This is just the messy beginning. All because you might have written something during this time (like since I started this in August) doesn’t mean that post was your one and only chance to do the thing. BE REALISTIC ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE CAPABLE OF ACHIEVING.
  2. Satisfy the inner intellect. Allow for the discussion of mind expanding topics. Share some of your own ideas, emphasise as hypothesis, open for discussion and learning. The meta-. Metaphysics. Meta philosophy, Meta psychology. Meta-meta. Whatevs.
  3. Bring it back to the emotions. Share the painful past. Because it’s not really painful, just lonely. But also the beauty and joy and perfection of the present. And the possibilities for the future. A whole spectrum of emotions exist within me. And rainbows are beautiful.
  4. Ah-ha, creativity and inspiration. Put up your project proposals. Show what your ideas and goals are. What you eventually want to “create”

It’s 7 minutes to midnight and I’m actually getting really tired. Holy crap it is return to normalcy! I’m bound by the rules of physics again. I’m heavy like lead. I don’t want to say goodbye to Mercury…

Earth, Air, Water, Fire. That’s the order for these next 4 weeks. And in 4 weeks it’ll be the 28th of October… Hah, omg. A consistently significant date. Just keeps coming up in my face.



Categories: The Real Deal


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