I may be creative but do I not create. Or rather I rarely finish what I commence, and they are often swept aside as I move on to chase a new shiny thought bubble I may have imagined.
So in an attempt to combat this character flaw I thought “What would Benebell do?”, went to her site and watched her webinar Triggering Creativity with Tarot. Which of course is silly, Benebell Wen wouldn’t be doing one of her own courses.
(trigger finger at the ready, one… card…. DRAW!)
Look at the smile on 6 of Earth. He wasn’t smiling like that when I first pulled him from the deck. It’s almost like neither of us were happy to see each other. He was reversed and I immediately rolled my eyes. Jeez, my project doesn’t even want to be here. He reminded me to check my manners and my intentions. I may cry “all I do is in the service of others!” and “when do I get to be selfish for a change?”, but no one puts me in those positions except myself. I do not have to take on the burdens of the world, but I don’t get to “do whatever the fuck I want” to the exclusion of all else. It will come when it comes, so perhaps I should use my time more effectively. You can’t force divine inspiration and intervention!
We go for round 2, to identify the creative focus.
Wasn’t hard to find him again after I shuffled him back into the deck. I cut the deck into 4 and I find him in the first pile I inspect. Second card from the top. Bitch is still upside down but hiding behind the skirts of Emotion. He taunts me with his message and reminds me to stop pretending I’m a victim of his “service” for I’m the one who drew him out of the deck “into my service”! Emotions seems to have her shit together and I know when to pick my battles. If Emotions gets upset, everybody suffers. And still I persevere, I am still determined to soldier on when my life motto has so far been give in to all temptation.
This invisible and inaudible idea nags and nags to my subconscious soul:
- “When am I going to have a physical form?”
- “Don’t forget to do the thing. Build me a vessel.”
- “What will it look like? I hope not like that, though.”
Clearly there are structural issues as I oft repeat “I have no idea what I’m doing?” All my talk of creative solutions and innovative insights don’t do squat as I distinctly lack the ability to just SPEAK WORDS INTO FORM.
An appropriately climactic turn of events for act three: my significant 6 of Earth turns over a new leaf in time for me to put him on a simple cross.
- Current State: Right at the end in the midst of imagined violence, 6 of earth mounted that cross with dignity and showed that even in our states of rebellion and mischief, we are still capable of coming through with our responsibilities and duties when it counts. Play the role that is required of you, be that support for others, a role model by word and deed, a person of integrity. There is satisfaction to be found if you stick around long enough to completion…
- Roots, foundations: My subconscious serves a higher purpose as symbolised by the Seneschal of earth. This is where my true power lies and I shouldn’t forget it. It’s my position that permits me power, not my person. I have been granted this opportunity to develop my personal project but if I don’t use it effectively I may not have this opportunity again.
- Past influences: Our Journey started much further back in memory than we may like to acknowledge, and it has taken a toll on our selves. We are who we are because of our experiences. But it does no good to be burdened by the past that it removes you from the present. Make peace with your pain and release it.
- Aspirations, speculations: I may appear to be extroverted, but the spotlight on 9 of water is not of adoration. I must reveal the machinations of my mind, illuminate the darkness and exorcise my emotional demons. I am clinging to hope in search of peace. Reaching out for help at least keeps me accountable.
- Probable outcome: All I know to do is to write, and the Scribe of Air confirms that I must document my life story. I shouldn’t worry so much about the form at this time, for it is the wisdom of the written word that should take precedence. Editing and refinement don’t need to hang over my shoulder with their considered syntax and apt synonyms.
Be dependable and have my actions to speak for themselves. Remember that family comes first and there are important matters that require my attention. This includes taking care of my mental and my physical wellbeing. I am still the product of my experiences and my journey is not yet over. The effort I put into taking care of the necessary “material” will in turn be able to provide me the “immaterial” I so desperately seek.